3

Depression Triggers

Following on from my last post…

I also have depression. Yay!

And I get depressed a lot.

Sometimes this can be worsened or brought on by a “trigger”.

I’m going to list some of my triggers – maybe the list will help some of you know what sort of things to AVOID if you have someone in your life who is also suffering from depression, or maybe it can be something you can relate to if you have depression, or something that can educate you, or entertain you?

I dunno guys, use it however you will.


 

1.) My relationship with my partner not being exactly how I want it to be. Maybe I overthink the situation when he doesn’t give me enough attention, which leads to me feeling really un-special, unattractive, plummets my self confidence, makes me really dislike myself and my life and wish my relationship was more than it is and ugh… Leads to depression. Guys, just to clarify, my partner is amazing. I’m just a person who needs a certain amount of attention from their partner to actually feel like I’m wanted so when he isn’t feeling very affectionate towards me, it brings on my depression haaaaaard.

2.) Not waking up at a good time. You know how nice and, well, NORMAL it feels for most people to simply wake up at like 07:00? On a full 7-8 hours of deep, undisturbed sleep? Yeah, that doesn’t happen to me. This is the earliest I’ve been awake in a while – and it’s around 10:15. I go to sleep at maybe 03:00 at night. My sleep is disturbed because I always go to sleep super anxious, and watch maybe 3 hours of TV in bed before sleeping. Before bed is usually when I discuss problems I had in my day with my partner, so I also normally go to sleep really down and ugh… It’s just proper screwed up and disorganised and it’s really really difficult to wake up happy after sleeps like I have!!! I should be in bed at 23:00, without any electronics or anything, after having taken a bath and after having a GOOD evening with my partner and a really productive day, and then just actually fall asleep easily for a good 7-8 hours. That’s all I need. It really sucks starting every single day late. Caused by depression and induces depression, a beautiful cycle. This also leads to me sleeping during the day and having an even less productive day and leads to even more depression and leads to my night sleep causing me to actually be over-rested, so I also always wake up with a headache and feeling unwell. Amazing.

3.) Not doing well on my degree. I’ve been missing SO many lectures recently because of my lack of energy and my weird sleeping pattern. I’ve been hardly working, and earlier this week I received the first grade that I’ve been very unhappy with this Semester. It’s okay, I’ve come to terms with it and have thought of a way to level out my grade to bring it back up, but it’s just upsetting. I have an assignment I wanted to hand in tomorrow that I haven’t even started. It’s just never-ending work which is just almost impossible for somebody with mental health problems to actually succeed with. I just feel lazy and really disappointed in myself for not doing better, and I know everybody else just views me as lazy and unreliable as well. It’s easy to judge what you don’t know or don’t care to understand.

4.) Not having a great support network. I don’t have any close friends whatsoever. I have my partner, my mother, my little sister, my little brother, my older brother, my older sister and my father. That’s every single human being that I feel I can turn to. I also have my niece and nephew but y’know, they’re kids. I plan to get married next Summer or possibly the Summer after, and those are all the people (minus my little sister who’s in America, and my partner who will obviously attend) who I will invite. With me having full power to invite whoever I wish, 7 people, at maximum, will attend my side of my wedding. I mean, it could be worse, I could have a small immediate family. The problem is though, that as I said before, my little sister lives in America and well, the rest of my family all live in Glasgow (I live in London), so they’re not exactly super close. I hardly see them. I hardly speak to them. It sucks.

5.) The fact that my anxiety is kinda taking over every aspect of my life. I’ve bought bags and bags of beautiful new clothes, that have just remained in their bags for literally 2 years, all because of my anxiety. No, clothes do not scare me. The decision to just wear them when I had planned to do haul blog posts with them scare me. The prospect of all the steps it takes to create a haul blog post scares me. This is the exact same problem I have with using bath bombs I bought like, 3 years ago. Nothing in my life is simple anymore because my anxiety over-complicates EVERYTHING. Which leads to depression.

6.) Winter. I hate worrying about having the heating on all the time. I hate feeling cold. I hate the static in my hair. I hate the silence and stillness. I hate how ugly it looks outside, how dark and glum it is. I just despise it. I get seasonal depression every single year without fail, meaning that although I have general depression year round, my depression gets more severe during the winter months. Which is just lovely when everybody else is so excited about finishing up work / education for the winter and about Christmas.

7.) Just not being who I want myself to be. I feel like if it wasn’t for my anxiety and depression, I’d be who I actually want to be and feel like I AM, on the outside. I’d be able to live my life in a way that reflects my actual wants, likes, beliefs. I’d have hobbies, a good routine, friends. I’d have all the tattoos and piercings I’ve wanted to have for years, would wear the clothes I love, would go out and just be happy and enjoy myself. Instead I’m just quiet, isolated, unhappy, anxious.


 

The only ways I find relief from my depression is when things actually go right, which is kinda rare?

It’s not that I’m ungrateful – I am SO grateful for what I have. I do feel that it’s difficult for me to get things right and how I want them to be though.

I’m very critical, and am a perfectionist at heart, so unless I feel like something is basically done exactly how I want it to be done, I won’t be happy. I know that it’s bad, and is something I’ll work on.

If there’s somebody you care about who is suffering with depression, keep this perspective in mind. Anxiety and depression often go hand-in-hand, so it’s likely that similar things will “stimulate” their depression.

My advice would be to just help. Help make things in their life easier. Help make things actually go RIGHT in their lives – whether that’s getting out of bed at the time they wish they would, or going to bed at the time they wish they would, or getting them to shower before bed so that it’s one less thing they’ll have to worry about in the morning. Whether it’s through being the support that you are and taking them out, bringing some fun and excitement into their life. Showing you care about them by making them a card, giving them cuddles, complimenting them.

Helping them get their to-do list done!!!

I think that’s genuinely the biggest way to help somebody with their depression. Go onto trello.com, create a ‘To do’ list, a ‘Doing’ list and a ‘Done’ list, and ask them every single thing in their mind that they would like to get done, big or small. Fill up the to-do list, and update it every few days with new things that they’d like to do. Help them get items moved to the ‘Doing’ list and ultimately, the ‘Done’ list. Trust me, this will help them SO much!

Storm

1

My Ideal Daily Routine

Hey guys!

I have decided that I’m going to lay out my ideal daily routine in this post, to help me visualise what sort of day I’m aiming for.


00:00 – At midnight, ideally I’d be sleeping! Some people would dread being asleep at this time but my party days are pretty much over. I’m just a lazy old hag now and there’s pretty much no use to me being up at this hour.

01:00 – Okay, so I at the very least should 100% be asleep at 1 A.M. I know that just sounds standard to most of you, but I find myself sleeping later than this time on most days… I know, it’s ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I feel like a teenager again. Again, literally no use to me doing anything BUT sleeping at this time.

02:00 – DEFINITELY SHOULD BE SLEEPING OMG. Jesus Christ Storm just bloody SLEEP ALREADY!

03:00 – SLEEP WOMAN!

04:00 – Strangely enough to some, this would be my ideal time to rise from my slumber each morning. I know, I know, it’s very early, but I have a fairly logical reason for this decision. Midday is approximately when the Sun is highest in the sky – when the day is at its brightest. Therefore, to make the most of the daylight, I’d be awake for the 8 hours before and the 8 hours after midday if I intend to get 8 hours sleep. I.e. being awake from 04:00 – 20:00 allows you far more hours of daylight than most people achieve. I’m pretty obsessed with sunlight and all that so yeah, this would work really well for me!

During this hour I would ideally drink a bottle of water (600ml), eat my breakfast, have a cup of coffee and check all my updates (messages, texts, new wordpress/instagram posts and comments etc.) I’d also get a bit of TV in so that I don’t start craving it later on in the day…

05:00 – At this hour I’d brush my teeth and go for a jog. My goal is to do 450 minutes of aerobic exercise per week – which is apparently the “sweet spot” in terms of health. To break that up into daily chunks, I’d do around 70 minutes per day – 35 minutes one way and 35 minutes coming back (rounded up to nearest 5 minutes.)

06:00 – At this hour I would get into the shower to exfoliate my face, cleanse my face and to wash my body. I’d then tone my face, moisturise my face, apply primer to my face, moisturise my body and hands, apply my body spray and get dressed into some nice, fresh, awesome clothes. I’d then proceed to tie my hair up and get my foundation, powder, brow crayon, lip balm and lip colour on. It would be SO COOL to actually be THIS ready for my day before 07:00 A.M., EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

07:00 – So I think this would be the hour for me to…Begin working? I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t really know what to do with myself after I’ve done my makeup :/ I guess yeah, this would be the time I’d begin working. Whether that be little jobs I need to do, commuting to Uni, anything.

08:00 – Again, a good hour for working I think! When I’m back at Uni I’ll probably be in the library studying at this time or doing some homework. When I’m not at Uni I’d be working achieving the activities in my to-do list.

09:00 – More studying / work!

10:00 – More studying / work!

11:00 – More studying / work!

12:00 – Lunch time! Time for me to drink a bottle and a half of water (900ml), eat my lunch and to go outdoors to get some sunlight. I also think this would be a great time to fit some enjoyment into my day – some hobbies. Perhaps I could read, upload photos to Instagram or write blog posts! Midday is my FAVOURITE time of the day, so I don’t want it to be spoilt with work or anything. I just want it to be a midpoint-of-my-day sanctuary.

13:00 – Back to work!

14:00 – More work…

15:00 – More work…

16:00 – More work…

17:00 – HOPEFULLY, if Uni is reasonable this year (which it probably won’t be as I’m studying Astrophysics and guarantee I’ll have to be out at 9pm to do telescope work on some weekdays,) then my uni day should be the usual 09:00-17:00 ordeal, in which case hopefully on MOST days I’ll be DONE WITH UNI BY THIS TIME! That makes this a good time to commute home / entertain myself with some hobbies – again, reading sounds good!

18:00 – This would be the time for me to take a bath to wash my hair, condition my hair and shave. Any extra time during this hour would be used to finish off any extra little bits I have on my to-do list.

19:00 – This would be my boyfriend hour! I live with my partner and after a long day of being busy I know that all we will want to do is hang out with each other.

20:00 – In an ideal world, this would be my bedtime. I know, I know, it’s really early. As in even my bedtime when I was 10 years old wasn’t that early. I know. It only feels early because my day would be skewed so that I’d have more hours in the early morning, so it’s not like I’d have any less time in my day whatsoever. So, this would be the hour for me to drink my final bottle of water (600ml), eat my dinner, brush my teeth, cleanse, tone and moisturise my face, put my hair up, get into some pyjamas and go to bed and sleep. I don’t think it sounds so bad! It sounds rather nice and cosy to me after such a long day!

21:00 – Again, I’d ideally be asleep at this time!

22:00 – Sleeping!

23:00 – Sleeping!


The only problem I have with this routine is that my life isn’t just, well, me. If it was then I’d be 100% cool with following this routine. But it’s not. My life is pretty intertwined with my partner’s, and I HIGHLY DOUBT he’d be willing to wake up at 04:00 everyday, let alone go to sleep at 20:00 every evening! This means that this routine would cut out almost all of the time we have to spend together, leaving only maybe an hour or two for us to hang out. I understand it’s totally fine to have a partner, to live your life separate to them and to still have a healthy and happy relationship. It just personally would make me happy to have more time with him during the day.

I think 5 hours for me with him sounds good – not just doing nothing but hanging out for all those hours, but even just having our morning routine together is time together. If he would get up at 04:00 with me, we could have from 04:00 – 07:00 together for sure, as well as from 18:00 – 20:00 together in the evenings. Ah well. Maybe I could convince him?

Either way, it would be SUCH A GOOD ROUTINE FOR ME! I love midday and the daylight, and by making that time the centre of my day I’m able to make the most of it.

Anyways, that’s all from me for now. Just a rambly Storm post.

What do you think of this routine? What would your ideal daily routine look like?

– Storm

 

 

2

Back at Uni.

Hello! 🙂

I returned to Uni on Thursday the 15th. I did my Mathematics exam last Tuesday, I’m so happy that it’s finally over and done with! I know that I didn’t do too well in it, but I kept calm and just did my best.

I’m still having to study a lot to keep on top of all my work, but the exam being over is definitely a big weight lifted off my shoulders.

I have loads to get done this term! This week, I’m going to join some societies, clubs and classes that interest me. I will write about them in my next blog post!

I’ve also had a few shopping trips that I haven’t shared with you, so expect some haul blog posts soon. 😉

Being at University can, inevitably, be very tough sometimes. Students go from having little responsibilities to suddenly being bombarded with being responsible for just about everything in their life – and those responsibilities only get tougher to handle!

I’ve got a very busy day today so that’s all for today. Just wanted to post a little update of what’s been going on in my life! Expect more posts very soon. 🙂

– Storm