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Being Your Own Prince Or Princess Charming.

I have a confession to make.

I’ve been keeping super up to date with Love Island and I’m friggin loving it!

I love the whole Siannise and Luke dynamic – she’s the Princess and him her Prince Charming and it’s all super romantic and dreamy and idealistic.

It would be lovely if the world actually worked like that!

The truth is though, that there is no Prince for any girl out there. There isn’t even a Princess for any man out there – not in the fantasy sense at least. The reality is that as perfect as a man can try to be for his lady, and a lady be for his man, they will never, ever be quite that perfect because well, we’re human after all, and most of the time they will be a fairly far stretch away from those ideals.

I probably sound bitter and well, maybe I am a little. I used to be incredibly naive, believe in that sort of love, be ridiculously hopelessly romantic and idealistic. That was for the first 3 years of my “relationship” – I felt like I was floating, living in a dream bubble. I loved how he’d lift me up and spin me around, all the roses on Valentines day, the excitement he’d have when he’d talk to his friends about me. He could barely do any wrong.

But, he could. And did.

I just didn’t see those things quite as well as I saw the “love” – until he left me really quite suddenly!

We got back together a little after, but it was truly a lesson learnt. I genuinely used to cry from happiness when I’d see him, realising how insanely lucky I was to genuinely be living the life of my dreams, something to be envied. Now, it’s been a good couple of years since I cried from happiness! He and I have snuffed out my idealism quite a bit since then and I am far more realistic about everything now.

That need for a Prince Charming and for you to play the role of Princess, or that need for a Princess where you play the role of Prince Charming, is incredibly unhealthy. All of those Disney films and traditional gender roles are romanticised and fed to as being the ideal standard for our future partner for years and years growing up. But, boys and girls, you won’t ever find your Prince Charming or Princess in somebody else. Because our vision of that role is somebody perfect in our eyes, which absolutely cannot exist in a human being, because humans are fundamentally imperfect. More than that, everyone’s idea of perfect is unique to them – no two versions will match exactly. That’s not to say you won’t love or accept them as they are and see them as perfect in your own eyes, but regardless, they still will never 100% live up to your dream image of a partner – not for an entire lifetime with each other anyways! It is unfair to expect one human to fulfil every role of your desires perfectly – the perfect lover, perfect lifelong travel companion, the best chef, the best father/mother to your children, successful career man/woman, perfect housewife/husband/butler, the perfect personal shopper, perfect house cleaner, perfect personal entertainer, the best babysitter etc etc etc.

These expectations are not only unhealthy, but are entirely unrealistic. 

If you do truly want to “find” and experience that sense of fantasy for your lifetime, you’re going to have to find those roles within yourself.

Here’s what I mean.

You want to see the excitement on the face of the man of your dreams when he sees you in that brand new lingerie set on Valentines day that you carefully picked out?

Instead focus on buying what you genuinely feel beautiful in, regardless of what your partner may or not think, and treat yourself to a set of lingerie that makes you feel amazing, with the only expectations being that you look in the mirror and feel beautiful. You don’t need somebody else to think the same thing as you in order for you to believe it with all your heart. You don’t need a man to confirm that you look good, or sexy, or beautiful, or stunning, EVER. You just need to believe in the value of your own opinion, because you are unique and your opinions are unique to you – which is what makes you wonderful in the first place! How incredibly dull and pointless would the world be if we all thought identically to one another?

The other point is that, although I’m sure your partner would believe you look gorgeous in your new set of lingerie, he might not be the type of person to comment, or to act on that. Everybody is different and the main message here is that you can be your own Prince Charming. You want your man to be gobsmacked at you in your new lingerie set? Girl – YOU be gobsmacked at you in your new lingerie set! Look, you get to play the role of being the gorgeous Princess, AND you get to fulfil the role of the one that is amazed by how said Princess looks. How neat is that? Whoever said women wouldn’t rule the world someday?!

But really, men can do this too.

You want to come home to a daily cuppa and a “How was your day?” by your beautiful lady?

Instead, focus on providing for yourself what you genuinely want as your reward after a long day at work, regardless of what your partner may or may not provide, and treat yourself to a beverage made exactly how you like it and the wind-down activity of your choosing, with the only expectation being that you feel truly cared for when you come home. You don’t need somebody else to be on the same page as you in terms of your needs in order for you to deserve them. You don’t need a lady to make you feel that your efforts are valued. Again, you just need to believe in the value of your own opinion.

And again, I’m sure your partner does appreciate your hard work for the day, but it might not always be her first instinct to offer a drink or to ask about your day, because everybody is different, but you can play that role for yourself! You want your lady to show that she cares about your efforts for the day? You show yourself that you care about your efforts for the day! Getting to play the role of Prince Charming and the role of the one who takes care of Prince Charming is a very good position to be in.

It would be lovely if our partners would always be on the ball with fulfilling our expectations – the different things we feel we deserve from a partner. The truth is that nobody will ever be able to do that perfectly – not one person, unless they’re literally just following orders and aren’t really living life how they want to! It isn’t something worth getting down about though. Even if your partner’s unwillingness to provide what you want is a deal breaker, that still shouldn’t be as big of an issue as it has become for a lot of people.

Other humans do not exist purely to fill in the gaps in our lives that we aren’t willing to fill ourselves. They were born purposeless and create their own purpose throughout their life. Their only innate “purpose” should be to live their life however they wish to. A healthy relationship should comprise of two, fully developed, fully independent human beings, and anything they do for each other should be seen as additional, unnecessary treats on top of the treats we already provide for ourselves! The cherries on top of the cakes.

Of course, all of this is easier said than done. Self-development is very difficult, as is rewiring a brain that’s been conditioned a certain way for as long as you’ve lived. The main takeaway should be that self-love is crucial to living that fantasy, idealistic life, and relationships should be based not on what somebody else can do or provide for you, but on what you both genuinely want to provide for each. There’s a massive difference between the Scenarios A and B below:

Scenario A:
Person 1: Why did you disappoint me by not buying me something really beautiful for Valentines Day, like a beautiful necklace, when that’s what I expect and deserve?

Person 2: Okay, I’ll go out and get you what you want because you want it and I want to make you happy 🙂

Scenario B:
Person 1: I really want a beautiful necklace for Valentines day because I feel that will make me feel special and like a Princess, so I will go out and treat myself to a beautiful necklace!

Person 2: I love your new beautiful necklace, I got you some fancy chocolates for Valentines day that I thought looked really nice!

It’s all too easy to feel that in scenario A, the man is doing the right thing by making the lady happy, but although it is a kind gesture, it isn’t his responsibility to purchase items for another person simply because they want them, no matter what day of the year it is. It isn’t that the woman doesn’t deserve the item, but simply that it’s his choice to make his mind up about what he thinks would or would not make a suitable gift. He isn’t going to be thinking the same way as the lady, and his way of thinking isn’t wrong or less good. Sometimes we will find men who are on the same wavelength in these ways and who will on their own accord coincidently think to buy exactly what the lady was hoping for, or perhaps men who will ask the lady what she would like and who prefer to gift in this way, but most men will be thinking differently.

Communication really is key – you need to explicitly lay down each others expectations openly – even if you think you don’t have expectations, there are probably times you may become resentful or slightly disappointed by your partner – which is due to expectations. Having needs and wants are okay, as long as you are happy to and capable of providing those things for yourself in your life, and that your partner is genuinely happy to provide the expectations that are non – negotiable for you in your relationship dynamic.

If they’re not genuinely happy to provide those things, then you both are simply incompatible in that sort of a relationship. Have some flexibility!

Storm

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It’s Time For My Tryptophan!

And I’m scared.

Not scared of the pill itself, I’m just…

Scared of this journey.

I’m scared that it will actually work, that self-medicating myself with Tryptophan will actually make me feel better.

WHY DOES THAT SCARE ME?!?

I’m scared of losing this massive part of me.

I’m scared of not being ill enough to have my struggles diagnosed…

It feels like I’ve been through SO MUCH, and that pretty much NOBODY has helped me, nobody has listened to me, nobody has given me the support I’ve needed (besides my partner) – I didn’t even reach the point of being brave enough to have a Student Need’s Assessment so that I could have more time for exams or some leniency with deadlines (I don’t think I’ve ever finished an exam paper due to time constraints and my mental health problems.)

I’m disappointed in myself for not having sought out more help than I have done while struggling, but at the same time, I’m disappointed for all the times I’ve sought out help and HAVEN’T been helped.

I don’t know, it just feels really scary and like…

It’s like I haven’t been able to function as a normal human being – my partner does everything for me, I’ve never had a job and I’m 25 years old, I’ve had to take FOUR DIFFERENT LEVEL 3 COURSES (Access to Higher Education Diploma, two University Foundation Years and Intensive A-Levels,) to FINALLY get onto the first year of a degree.

It’s just been so dysfunctional and abnormal – but that’s become my normal.

I think I’d find it hard to live up to the expectations of being a healthy, intelligent, high functioning adult with the world as their oyster.

I know this all probably sounds ridiculous and at my worst I do wish that it would just go away, but now that that might become a reality, it just feels very odd.

I’ve lost all my friends over this, I’ve lost all my hobbies to this, I’ve lost SO MUCH TO THIS.

What if just taking Tryptophan solves it all? Would I feel like all I’ve lost to mental health problems was just… For no reason at all?

Bearing in mind aswell that this is a depressed person speaking and depression, for some reason, kinda wants you to spiral downwards, to make the choices that exacerbate the situation etc. It’s self defeating. It WANTS to win.

The idea of just simply being happy, healthy, capable, sounds…. Uncomfortable.

I’m literally trying to convince myself and talk myself into trying to treat my mental health problems. How stupid am I?

It sounds so petty, doesn’t it?

It probably won’t change anything by taking this pill anyways, and this is what I’ve wanted for years so what the hell am I hesitating for?

It’s the right choice, so I’ll just do it.

Here’s to hoping my dodgy brain actually sees some improvement over the next few weeks.

I’ll update you all tomorrow, maybe, if I feel like it 🙂

I know, I’ll up the ante.

If I see improvement, I can treat myself to something I really want, like… I don’t even know… Something I’d actually be able to enjoy if I weren’t mentally ill – like a good book or something! Been years since I finished a book. Kinda impossible to focus with my racing, anxious, overbearing, over-thinking, repetitive, stressful thoughts!

Storm

 

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Depression Tip #4

Depression Tip #4:

If you’re not on any medication for your depression, you should be taking supplements! I personally decided to not opt for medication when my doctor offered – SSRIs just really don’t agree with me at all. Instead, after a lot of research, I decided to begin taking Tryptophan supplements. Tryptophan is a natural amino acid that your brain needs to produce serotonin – an important brain chemical that helps regulate mood, sleeping patterns, focus, appetite, energy levels etc. The purpose of prescribed SSRI medication is to increase the levels of serotonin in your brain – taking Tryptophan supplements effectively do the same thing!

You should always consult with your doctor before taking any supplements – particularly if you are already on medication. Do NOT take Tryptophan if you are already on prescribed medication related to your mental health – too much serotonin in your system can do a lot more harm than good! 

There are other healthy ways to self-medicate from home – such as taking vitamin D supplements, taking vitamin B complex supplements, using a SAD light or using SAD alarm clock.

Taking supplements really helps me. Just knowing that you’re actively doing something to help yourself feel better feels really good!

– Storm

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Depression Tip #3

Depression Tip #3:

Take a really thorough, long, hot shower. Bathing is something that can become very difficult for those of us with depression – but being unclean just makes us feel even worse! If you’re feeling down and haven’t showered in a while, or even if you have showered recently, almost nothing serves as a better pick-me-up than being clean (at least for me.)

Take the time to give your hair a really good wash and condition. Thoroughly wash your body. Exfoliate and cleanse that beautiful face of yours. When we’re clean, everything feels a bit simpler and easier.

Follow by drying yourself off thoroughly, applying anti-antiperspirant (if you’re like me and anxiety makes you perspire like crazy,) and putting on a clean, warm set of clothes. I personally love to leave a set of clean pyjamas, underwear and socks on the radiator while I shower, so they’re super cosy when it’s time for me to put them on!

– Storm

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Depression Tip #2

Depression Tip No #2:

Keep your hair brushed! Again, this is going to seem like something really simple, but it can become a big problem for those suffering from depression. There was even an episode on ‘The Doctors’ very recently about a depressed teenage girl who’s hair had become extremely matted after being bed-bound for months. It took a hairdresser hours to untangle her hair and to provide the lady with a fancy new hairstyle.

Quickly brushing your hair will keep it untangled, neat and will make it easier to keep your hair out of your face. It always feels good to have newly brushed hair, and is something very quick that we can do to help make us feel more human, cared for, comfortable, beautiful and happy.

When I’m feeling very depressed, I know that every tiny little task adds up to create an impossibly huge amount of things I feel responsible to do in a single day. Brushing your hair will easily take one of those tasks away from that daunting pile, and will help to make you feel a bit more confident about tackling something else.

– Storm

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Depression Tip #1

Depression tip #1:

Brush your teeth! I know this first one is going to seem overly simple, but it’s something that definitely makes me feel a bit better. If you’ve ever been so down that even brushing your teeth feels like climbing a mountain then trust me, you’re not alone. You’re not disgusting. It’s not your fault. It’s none of anybody else’s business, and it is something you do for yourself.

It’s very easy to get into the thought cycle of “I don’t deserve to take care of my body, why would I take care of myself when I don’t even like myself? Why would I take care of myself when I don’t even care about anything at all in life right now?” I know, it can be really, really difficult.

My first tip is to brush your teeth, because it’s something that will be over and done with REALLY quickly, and is honestly something that will always make you feel a little bit better. Clean your entire mouth – you’re tongue too, and the sensation of having a clean mouth will just make everything feel a little bit less crap.

– Storm