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It’s Time For My Tryptophan!

And I’m scared.

Not scared of the pill itself, I’m just…

Scared of this journey.

I’m scared that it will actually work, that self-medicating myself with Tryptophan will actually make me feel better.

WHY DOES THAT SCARE ME?!?

I’m scared of losing this massive part of me.

I’m scared of not being ill enough to have my struggles diagnosed…

It feels like I’ve been through SO MUCH, and that pretty much NOBODY has helped me, nobody has listened to me, nobody has given me the support I’ve needed (besides my partner) – I didn’t even reach the point of being brave enough to have a Student Need’s Assessment so that I could have more time for exams or some leniency with deadlines (I don’t think I’ve ever finished an exam paper due to time constraints and my mental health problems.)

I’m disappointed in myself for not having sought out more help than I have done while struggling, but at the same time, I’m disappointed for all the times I’ve sought out help and HAVEN’T been helped.

I don’t know, it just feels really scary and like…

It’s like I haven’t been able to function as a normal human being – my partner does everything for me, I’ve never had a job and I’m 25 years old, I’ve had to take FOUR DIFFERENT LEVEL 3 COURSES (Access to Higher Education Diploma, two University Foundation Years and Intensive A-Levels,) to FINALLY get onto the first year of a degree.

It’s just been so dysfunctional and abnormal – but that’s become my normal.

I think I’d find it hard to live up to the expectations of being a healthy, intelligent, high functioning adult with the world as their oyster.

I know this all probably sounds ridiculous and at my worst I do wish that it would just go away, but now that that might become a reality, it just feels very odd.

I’ve lost all my friends over this, I’ve lost all my hobbies to this, I’ve lost SO MUCH TO THIS.

What if just taking Tryptophan solves it all? Would I feel like all I’ve lost to mental health problems was just… For no reason at all?

Bearing in mind aswell that this is a depressed person speaking and depression, for some reason, kinda wants you to spiral downwards, to make the choices that exacerbate the situation etc. It’s self defeating. It WANTS to win.

The idea of just simply being happy, healthy, capable, sounds…. Uncomfortable.

I’m literally trying to convince myself and talk myself into trying to treat my mental health problems. How stupid am I?

It sounds so petty, doesn’t it?

It probably won’t change anything by taking this pill anyways, and this is what I’ve wanted for years so what the hell am I hesitating for?

It’s the right choice, so I’ll just do it.

Here’s to hoping my dodgy brain actually sees some improvement over the next few weeks.

I’ll update you all tomorrow, maybe, if I feel like it 🙂

I know, I’ll up the ante.

If I see improvement, I can treat myself to something I really want, like… I don’t even know… Something I’d actually be able to enjoy if I weren’t mentally ill – like a good book or something! Been years since I finished a book. Kinda impossible to focus with my racing, anxious, overbearing, over-thinking, repetitive, stressful thoughts!

Storm

 

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Depression Tip #4

Depression Tip #4:

If you’re not on any medication for your depression, you should be taking supplements! I personally decided to not opt for medication when my doctor offered – SSRIs just really don’t agree with me at all. Instead, after a lot of research, I decided to begin taking Tryptophan supplements. Tryptophan is a natural amino acid that your brain needs to produce serotonin – an important brain chemical that helps regulate mood, sleeping patterns, focus, appetite, energy levels etc. The purpose of prescribed SSRI medication is to increase the levels of serotonin in your brain – taking Tryptophan supplements effectively do the same thing!

You should always consult with your doctor before taking any supplements – particularly if you are already on medication. Do NOT take Tryptophan if you are already on prescribed medication related to your mental health – too much serotonin in your system can do a lot more harm than good! 

There are other healthy ways to self-medicate from home – such as taking vitamin D supplements, taking vitamin B complex supplements, using a SAD light or using SAD alarm clock.

Taking supplements really helps me. Just knowing that you’re actively doing something to help yourself feel better feels really good!

– Storm

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Depression Tip #3

Depression Tip #3:

Take a really thorough, long, hot shower. Bathing is something that can become very difficult for those of us with depression – but being unclean just makes us feel even worse! If you’re feeling down and haven’t showered in a while, or even if you have showered recently, almost nothing serves as a better pick-me-up than being clean (at least for me.)

Take the time to give your hair a really good wash and condition. Thoroughly wash your body. Exfoliate and cleanse that beautiful face of yours. When we’re clean, everything feels a bit simpler and easier.

Follow by drying yourself off thoroughly, applying anti-antiperspirant (if you’re like me and anxiety makes you perspire like crazy,) and putting on a clean, warm set of clothes. I personally love to leave a set of clean pyjamas, underwear and socks on the radiator while I shower, so they’re super cosy when it’s time for me to put them on!

– Storm

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Depression Tip #2

Depression Tip No #2:

Keep your hair brushed! Again, this is going to seem like something really simple, but it can become a big problem for those suffering from depression. There was even an episode on ‘The Doctors’ very recently about a depressed teenage girl who’s hair had become extremely matted after being bed-bound for months. It took a hairdresser hours to untangle her hair and to provide the lady with a fancy new hairstyle.

Quickly brushing your hair will keep it untangled, neat and will make it easier to keep your hair out of your face. It always feels good to have newly brushed hair, and is something very quick that we can do to help make us feel more human, cared for, comfortable, beautiful and happy.

When I’m feeling very depressed, I know that every tiny little task adds up to create an impossibly huge amount of things I feel responsible to do in a single day. Brushing your hair will easily take one of those tasks away from that daunting pile, and will help to make you feel a bit more confident about tackling something else.

– Storm

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Depression Tip #1

Depression tip #1:

Brush your teeth! I know this first one is going to seem overly simple, but it’s something that definitely makes me feel a bit better. If you’ve ever been so down that even brushing your teeth feels like climbing a mountain then trust me, you’re not alone. You’re not disgusting. It’s not your fault. It’s none of anybody else’s business, and it is something you do for yourself.

It’s very easy to get into the thought cycle of “I don’t deserve to take care of my body, why would I take care of myself when I don’t even like myself? Why would I take care of myself when I don’t even care about anything at all in life right now?” I know, it can be really, really difficult.

My first tip is to brush your teeth, because it’s something that will be over and done with REALLY quickly, and is honestly something that will always make you feel a little bit better. Clean your entire mouth – you’re tongue too, and the sensation of having a clean mouth will just make everything feel a little bit less crap.

– Storm