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Being Your Own Prince Or Princess Charming.

I have a confession to make.

I’ve been keeping super up to date with Love Island and I’m friggin loving it!

I love the whole Siannise and Luke dynamic – she’s the Princess and him her Prince Charming and it’s all super romantic and dreamy and idealistic.

It would be lovely if the world actually worked like that!

The truth is though, that there is no Prince for any girl out there. There isn’t even a Princess for any man out there – not in the fantasy sense at least. The reality is that as perfect as a man can try to be for his lady, and a lady be for his man, they will never, ever be quite that perfect because well, we’re human after all, and most of the time they will be a fairly far stretch away from those ideals.

I probably sound bitter and well, maybe I am a little. I used to be incredibly naive, believe in that sort of love, be ridiculously hopelessly romantic and idealistic. That was for the first 3 years of my “relationship” – I felt like I was floating, living in a dream bubble. I loved how he’d lift me up and spin me around, all the roses on Valentines day, the excitement he’d have when he’d talk to his friends about me. He could barely do any wrong.

But, he could. And did.

I just didn’t see those things quite as well as I saw the “love” – until he left me really quite suddenly!

We got back together a little after, but it was truly a lesson learnt. I genuinely used to cry from happiness when I’d see him, realising how insanely lucky I was to genuinely be living the life of my dreams, something to be envied. Now, it’s been a good couple of years since I cried from happiness! He and I have snuffed out my idealism quite a bit since then and I am far more realistic about everything now.

That need for a Prince Charming and for you to play the role of Princess, or that need for a Princess where you play the role of Prince Charming, is incredibly unhealthy. All of those Disney films and traditional gender roles are romanticised and fed to as being the ideal standard for our future partner for years and years growing up. But, boys and girls, you won’t ever find your Prince Charming or Princess in somebody else. Because our vision of that role is somebody perfect in our eyes, which absolutely cannot exist in a human being, because humans are fundamentally imperfect. More than that, everyone’s idea of perfect is unique to them – no two versions will match exactly. That’s not to say you won’t love or accept them as they are and see them as perfect in your own eyes, but regardless, they still will never 100% live up to your dream image of a partner – not for an entire lifetime with each other anyways! It is unfair to expect one human to fulfil every role of your desires perfectly – the perfect lover, perfect lifelong travel companion, the best chef, the best father/mother to your children, successful career man/woman, perfect housewife/husband/butler, the perfect personal shopper, perfect house cleaner, perfect personal entertainer, the best babysitter etc etc etc.

These expectations are not only unhealthy, but are entirely unrealistic. 

If you do truly want to “find” and experience that sense of fantasy for your lifetime, you’re going to have to find those roles within yourself.

Here’s what I mean.

You want to see the excitement on the face of the man of your dreams when he sees you in that brand new lingerie set on Valentines day that you carefully picked out?

Instead focus on buying what you genuinely feel beautiful in, regardless of what your partner may or not think, and treat yourself to a set of lingerie that makes you feel amazing, with the only expectations being that you look in the mirror and feel beautiful. You don’t need somebody else to think the same thing as you in order for you to believe it with all your heart. You don’t need a man to confirm that you look good, or sexy, or beautiful, or stunning, EVER. You just need to believe in the value of your own opinion, because you are unique and your opinions are unique to you – which is what makes you wonderful in the first place! How incredibly dull and pointless would the world be if we all thought identically to one another?

The other point is that, although I’m sure your partner would believe you look gorgeous in your new set of lingerie, he might not be the type of person to comment, or to act on that. Everybody is different and the main message here is that you can be your own Prince Charming. You want your man to be gobsmacked at you in your new lingerie set? Girl – YOU be gobsmacked at you in your new lingerie set! Look, you get to play the role of being the gorgeous Princess, AND you get to fulfil the role of the one that is amazed by how said Princess looks. How neat is that? Whoever said women wouldn’t rule the world someday?!

But really, men can do this too.

You want to come home to a daily cuppa and a “How was your day?” by your beautiful lady?

Instead, focus on providing for yourself what you genuinely want as your reward after a long day at work, regardless of what your partner may or may not provide, and treat yourself to a beverage made exactly how you like it and the wind-down activity of your choosing, with the only expectation being that you feel truly cared for when you come home. You don’t need somebody else to be on the same page as you in terms of your needs in order for you to deserve them. You don’t need a lady to make you feel that your efforts are valued. Again, you just need to believe in the value of your own opinion.

And again, I’m sure your partner does appreciate your hard work for the day, but it might not always be her first instinct to offer a drink or to ask about your day, because everybody is different, but you can play that role for yourself! You want your lady to show that she cares about your efforts for the day? You show yourself that you care about your efforts for the day! Getting to play the role of Prince Charming and the role of the one who takes care of Prince Charming is a very good position to be in.

It would be lovely if our partners would always be on the ball with fulfilling our expectations – the different things we feel we deserve from a partner. The truth is that nobody will ever be able to do that perfectly – not one person, unless they’re literally just following orders and aren’t really living life how they want to! It isn’t something worth getting down about though. Even if your partner’s unwillingness to provide what you want is a deal breaker, that still shouldn’t be as big of an issue as it has become for a lot of people.

Other humans do not exist purely to fill in the gaps in our lives that we aren’t willing to fill ourselves. They were born purposeless and create their own purpose throughout their life. Their only innate “purpose” should be to live their life however they wish to. A healthy relationship should comprise of two, fully developed, fully independent human beings, and anything they do for each other should be seen as additional, unnecessary treats on top of the treats we already provide for ourselves! The cherries on top of the cakes.

Of course, all of this is easier said than done. Self-development is very difficult, as is rewiring a brain that’s been conditioned a certain way for as long as you’ve lived. The main takeaway should be that self-love is crucial to living that fantasy, idealistic life, and relationships should be based not on what somebody else can do or provide for you, but on what you both genuinely want to provide for each. There’s a massive difference between the Scenarios A and B below:

Scenario A:
Person 1: Why did you disappoint me by not buying me something really beautiful for Valentines Day, like a beautiful necklace, when that’s what I expect and deserve?

Person 2: Okay, I’ll go out and get you what you want because you want it and I want to make you happy 🙂

Scenario B:
Person 1: I really want a beautiful necklace for Valentines day because I feel that will make me feel special and like a Princess, so I will go out and treat myself to a beautiful necklace!

Person 2: I love your new beautiful necklace, I got you some fancy chocolates for Valentines day that I thought looked really nice!

It’s all too easy to feel that in scenario A, the man is doing the right thing by making the lady happy, but although it is a kind gesture, it isn’t his responsibility to purchase items for another person simply because they want them, no matter what day of the year it is. It isn’t that the woman doesn’t deserve the item, but simply that it’s his choice to make his mind up about what he thinks would or would not make a suitable gift. He isn’t going to be thinking the same way as the lady, and his way of thinking isn’t wrong or less good. Sometimes we will find men who are on the same wavelength in these ways and who will on their own accord coincidently think to buy exactly what the lady was hoping for, or perhaps men who will ask the lady what she would like and who prefer to gift in this way, but most men will be thinking differently.

Communication really is key – you need to explicitly lay down each others expectations openly – even if you think you don’t have expectations, there are probably times you may become resentful or slightly disappointed by your partner – which is due to expectations. Having needs and wants are okay, as long as you are happy to and capable of providing those things for yourself in your life, and that your partner is genuinely happy to provide the expectations that are non – negotiable for you in your relationship dynamic.

If they’re not genuinely happy to provide those things, then you both are simply incompatible in that sort of a relationship. Have some flexibility!

Storm

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My Perfect Hair Routine (In Photos)

The Initial ‘Before’ Photo:


Step 1: Brushing / Combing:

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Step 2: Shampooing:

Step 3: Conditioning:

Step 4: Air drying:

Step 5: Applying Hair Moisturiser:

Screenshot_20191027-184102_Gallery.jpg

Step 6: Putting Hair Into Protective Hairstyle:

Step 7: Smoothing Over Hair Moisturiser:

Step 8: Cutting Bangs:

Step 9: Taking Out Hairstyle (Next Day):

Step 10: Hairspraying:

Comparing Before & After:

 

Storm

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The Start Of Revision

Hey guys!

This post is just one big ramble/rant about what my first step for revising for my final exams is going to be. Consider yourself warned!


 

As some of you may or may not know, I’m a student studying in her second year of a degree in Astrophysics.

I thought I’d come on here and write about how I plan to begin my revision for my end of year exams. I think sometimes taking the first step is the most difficult, so I want to make sure I have everything in order for when the time comes. Unfortunately, I won’t have much time to revise because the entirety of second year for me has been riddled with bad mental health spells and tons of coursework .

As an example, between the start of last Tuesday and the end of this Thursday we will have had 1 class test to revise for and 5 coursework deadlines (a class test in Optics along with four weeks of lecture summaries to hand in, a Differential Equations assignment to hand in, 10 hours of CV enhancement to complete along with an updated CV to hand in, a Nuclear Physics assignment along with a Quantum Mechanics assignment along with like 4 pieces of Python code to hand in and an observatory log book along with an observatory report to hand in).

So, as you can see, even within those pieces of coursework there are usually multiple components, so in that space of 9 days I will have completed 10 different components of coursework.

Which is difficult for most courses but let me tell you, Astrophysics is no joke.

Anyway, so I won’t have had any time to revise for the finals until I’ve handed in my last piece of coursework which likely won’t be until the deadline (Thursday).

I think the first step I’m going to take once I’m in my exam revision period is, before anything else, to give myself some self-care. I can hear some of you being all like “NO, DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME ON THAT WHEN YOU HAVE SO LITTLE TIME AS IT IS!”

Well I’m about to change your mind!

You see, with my crappy mental health and insane amounts of coursework, I haven’t even actually left the house since that class test last Tuesday – not even to go to my local supermarket (which is a 2 minute walk from my flat!) I haven’t been taking care of myself at all, and with my partner being in the same situation as me (not the best mental health and extremely busy with work) even the everyday things have really been swept to the side.

I will still be super busy with revision once I’ve finished with the coursework (as in, now I’m completing around 1.5ish percent of my overall grade in coursework per day, and it will be around the same  during the revision period in terms of what the final exams are worth vs the days I have to revise for them). However, I still really think this is the most important first step.

I just need to really quickly take a bath, y’know? I need to do the laundry. I need to tidy up. I need to take bags of clothes to the charity shop. I need to load the dishwasher. I need to leash train my kitten. I need to entertain my kitten. I need to create a revision plan. I need to take that VARK test and work out HOW I’m going to revise. I need to get my weight back down to what’s healthy for me. I need to stock the fridge with healthy food. I need to do a BIT of cleaning.

I don’t want to go nuts, but honestly, it really needs at least a bit of work because it’s like a mad house in here, and I have no idea how I could reasonably begin to revise without taking care of myself, my partner, my flat and my kitten in these ways first. I would just feel far too anxious and wouldn’t be able to leave the flat to go to the library to study anyway because I’d feel gross and wouldn’t want to leave the flat messy or leave my kitten needing attention, ugh.

It’s very stressful and really does need to be done, and I won’t be able to do it before then because I have 2 pieces of coursework to begin and complete within the next 2 days so I can’t really be thinking about revision before the 11th April, and only at that time onwards can I really revise…

So, hopefully you all agree with me now that this is the first thing I need to do once the revision period begins. I know logically it seems like the best thing to do would be to just fit in as much revision as possible considering how little time I have to study for these exams (one of my single semester modules contains 2 subjects (Quantum Mechanics and Nuclear Physics), and I only have 3 days to revise for each of those subjects), and I do see how this would ordinarily be the right thing to do. I just know that realistically, if I were to do that, I’d actually get less work done overall because I’d be super unfocussed.

I guess I could see that preparation as revision in itself? I mean, it isn’t REALLY, but then it sort of is because revision is technically anything that will bring your grade up in the exam right? All of this preparation will definitely ease my mind and make me far more comfortable which I think will definitely cause me to have a better grade in the exams!

I’ll just spend from whenever I give in my final piece of coursework until Friday for this preparation, so less than a day, which is enough time to make a real difference in creating a good, calm, happy and healthy brain environment for me to revise and not so much time that it actually does more bad than good. A good sweet spot.

So I have the first day of revision planned – I don’t really know what I’m going to be doing the day after but I guess that’s what the planning day is for.

Storm

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After Day 1 Of Working On Me

Hey guys!

Just a super quick morning update on how day 1 of focussing on working on me went!

The progress I made may seem really small, but to me the things I did were HUGE so please respect that what’s easy, unimportant and insignificant to some may be difficult, super important and very significant to others.

 


  1. I took my weight in the morning. This was my first step yesterday in getting back into a healthy routine and in being disciplined, which is super important to the health of type 4’s on the Enneagram. It was also the first step in focussing again on my health and wellbeing.
  2. Washing my hands with a beautiful Lush soap (Golden Pear) instead of a cheap hand soap. I have a strange difficulty with using Lush products because of my mental health, so ALLOWING myself to use such a beautiful Lush product for an action we do maybe 10 times a day means a lot in terms of my personal growth and in starting to love myself more.
  3. I drank a bottle of water before breakfast. Again, practising routine, discipline, self-care and focussing on my health.
  4. I had a hot, cooked, proper, fairly balanced, low calorie breakfast. My breakfast was 2 pieces of vegan bacon rashers, cooked with just a hot frying pan and dripping in a few drops of water every now and then, and a third of a tin of baked beans. This step was pretty huge for me as I’ve become somewhat un-functional due to my mental health recently, so to again shift my focus and attention toward self-care, my health and my happiness was huge.
  5. I made myself a tasty, calorie controlled coffee. Again, shifting my focus toward self-care.
  6. I made myself a lovely, hot, big bath using Lush’s Puddy Holly Bubbleroon. I got this bath product as a gift on Christmas day from my fiance, and simply haven’t allowed myself to dedicate the energy, time or enjoyment toward taking a bath using this product since then. Another action toward developing my self-love and self-care.
  7. I took the bath and did loads of little pampering things while I did! I washed my hair with the Godiva shampoo bar from Lush, conditioned my hair with TRESemme’s Remoisturising Conditioner, detangled my hair with my fingers and put my hair up in a shower cap with the conditioner still in, exfoliated my face using the Bath Essentials Exfoliating Gloves from Tesco and added a bit of Prince Charming Shower Cream onto the gloves so I could clean my face at the same time, I exfoliated my body with Lush’s The Rough With The Smooth Shower Scrub, shaved, brushed my teeth, washed my body with the Prince Charming Shower Cream from Lush using a shower pouf, moisturised my body with Lush’s Christingle Body Conditioner and rinsed everything off. Phew! For me, all of that was a MASSIVE ACHIEVEMENT. I felt so, so clean and fresh and amazing afterwards. This was a massive step toward developing my self-love and self-care, and in feeling more confident about myself. It definitely instantly raised my self esteem.
  8. I drank another bottle of water! Yay for paying attention to your health, having discipline and following routine 🙂
  9. I had a nice, hot, sort-of balanced, calorie limited lunch. I made myself some sort of tasty vegan burger from Sainsbury’s (the Sweet Potato, Quinoa & Lentil Burger) with a couple of sun dried tomatoes in olive oil on the side. SO tasty. Another step toward self-care and paying attention to my health.
  10. I used some nail clippers to clip down all of my nails. My nails have been needing clipping for a really long time so this one was super satisfying. I hate having long nails because they always tear and I just find them really dirty and uncomfortable and gross. I like them JUST below the finger itself.
  11. I made myself another tasty, calorie limited coffee.
  12. I cleaned off all the old nail polish and any residue using some nail polish remover.
  13. I PAINTED MY NAILS! This step has made me so happy you guys have no idea. I took my time and painted them really, really nicely and I absolutely love them so, so much. I used the OPI ‘It’s A Piazza Cake’ nail lacquer. It’s basically an orange, reddy, dark, Autumnal, warm colour. I think it might be my favourite colour in the world. It is cosy, vibrant, beautiful, sexy, interesting, and I think it’s a colour that I associate with all seasons (the pumpkins, spices , lights and leaves of Autumn, the spices, food and gingerbread of Winter, the life and flowers of spring and the sunsets, tropical fruits, holidays and warmth of Summer). It’s a beautiful colour. This was a really forward moving step in my self-development.
  14. I drank ANOTHER bottle of water! These bottles are 600ml BTW, so this meant a total of 1.8 litres for yesterday. I know, not the MOST ideal, but I really stayed disciplined, focussed on my health and stuck to routine much better than I previously would have.

 

That’s all guys! I will be trying to work on myself today also, and will keep track of the steps I take toward me being the best version of myself and hopefully will update you all again tomorrow. I definitely feel that honestly, in just one day, I blossomed as a four so much 🙂

Storm

 

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Depression Tip #2

Depression Tip No #2:

Keep your hair brushed! Again, this is going to seem like something really simple, but it can become a big problem for those suffering from depression. There was even an episode on ‘The Doctors’ very recently about a depressed teenage girl who’s hair had become extremely matted after being bed-bound for months. It took a hairdresser hours to untangle her hair and to provide the lady with a fancy new hairstyle.

Quickly brushing your hair will keep it untangled, neat and will make it easier to keep your hair out of your face. It always feels good to have newly brushed hair, and is something very quick that we can do to help make us feel more human, cared for, comfortable, beautiful and happy.

When I’m feeling very depressed, I know that every tiny little task adds up to create an impossibly huge amount of things I feel responsible to do in a single day. Brushing your hair will easily take one of those tasks away from that daunting pile, and will help to make you feel a bit more confident about tackling something else.

– Storm