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Being Your Own Prince Or Princess Charming.

I have a confession to make.

I’ve been keeping super up to date with Love Island and I’m friggin loving it!

I love the whole Siannise and Luke dynamic – she’s the Princess and him her Prince Charming and it’s all super romantic and dreamy and idealistic.

It would be lovely if the world actually worked like that!

The truth is though, that there is no Prince for any girl out there. There isn’t even a Princess for any man out there – not in the fantasy sense at least. The reality is that as perfect as a man can try to be for his lady, and a lady be for his man, they will never, ever be quite that perfect because well, we’re human after all, and most of the time they will be a fairly far stretch away from those ideals.

I probably sound bitter and well, maybe I am a little. I used to be incredibly naive, believe in that sort of love, be ridiculously hopelessly romantic and idealistic. That was for the first 3 years of my “relationship” – I felt like I was floating, living in a dream bubble. I loved how he’d lift me up and spin me around, all the roses on Valentines day, the excitement he’d have when he’d talk to his friends about me. He could barely do any wrong.

But, he could. And did.

I just didn’t see those things quite as well as I saw the “love” – until he left me really quite suddenly!

We got back together a little after, but it was truly a lesson learnt. I genuinely used to cry from happiness when I’d see him, realising how insanely lucky I was to genuinely be living the life of my dreams, something to be envied. Now, it’s been a good couple of years since I cried from happiness! He and I have snuffed out my idealism quite a bit since then and I am far more realistic about everything now.

That need for a Prince Charming and for you to play the role of Princess, or that need for a Princess where you play the role of Prince Charming, is incredibly unhealthy. All of those Disney films and traditional gender roles are romanticised and fed to as being the ideal standard for our future partner for years and years growing up. But, boys and girls, you won’t ever find your Prince Charming or Princess in somebody else. Because our vision of that role is somebody perfect in our eyes, which absolutely cannot exist in a human being, because humans are fundamentally imperfect. More than that, everyone’s idea of perfect is unique to them – no two versions will match exactly. That’s not to say you won’t love or accept them as they are and see them as perfect in your own eyes, but regardless, they still will never 100% live up to your dream image of a partner – not for an entire lifetime with each other anyways! It is unfair to expect one human to fulfil every role of your desires perfectly – the perfect lover, perfect lifelong travel companion, the best chef, the best father/mother to your children, successful career man/woman, perfect housewife/husband/butler, the perfect personal shopper, perfect house cleaner, perfect personal entertainer, the best babysitter etc etc etc.

These expectations are not only unhealthy, but are entirely unrealistic. 

If you do truly want to “find” and experience that sense of fantasy for your lifetime, you’re going to have to find those roles within yourself.

Here’s what I mean.

You want to see the excitement on the face of the man of your dreams when he sees you in that brand new lingerie set on Valentines day that you carefully picked out?

Instead focus on buying what you genuinely feel beautiful in, regardless of what your partner may or not think, and treat yourself to a set of lingerie that makes you feel amazing, with the only expectations being that you look in the mirror and feel beautiful. You don’t need somebody else to think the same thing as you in order for you to believe it with all your heart. You don’t need a man to confirm that you look good, or sexy, or beautiful, or stunning, EVER. You just need to believe in the value of your own opinion, because you are unique and your opinions are unique to you – which is what makes you wonderful in the first place! How incredibly dull and pointless would the world be if we all thought identically to one another?

The other point is that, although I’m sure your partner would believe you look gorgeous in your new set of lingerie, he might not be the type of person to comment, or to act on that. Everybody is different and the main message here is that you can be your own Prince Charming. You want your man to be gobsmacked at you in your new lingerie set? Girl – YOU be gobsmacked at you in your new lingerie set! Look, you get to play the role of being the gorgeous Princess, AND you get to fulfil the role of the one that is amazed by how said Princess looks. How neat is that? Whoever said women wouldn’t rule the world someday?!

But really, men can do this too.

You want to come home to a daily cuppa and a “How was your day?” by your beautiful lady?

Instead, focus on providing for yourself what you genuinely want as your reward after a long day at work, regardless of what your partner may or may not provide, and treat yourself to a beverage made exactly how you like it and the wind-down activity of your choosing, with the only expectation being that you feel truly cared for when you come home. You don’t need somebody else to be on the same page as you in terms of your needs in order for you to deserve them. You don’t need a lady to make you feel that your efforts are valued. Again, you just need to believe in the value of your own opinion.

And again, I’m sure your partner does appreciate your hard work for the day, but it might not always be her first instinct to offer a drink or to ask about your day, because everybody is different, but you can play that role for yourself! You want your lady to show that she cares about your efforts for the day? You show yourself that you care about your efforts for the day! Getting to play the role of Prince Charming and the role of the one who takes care of Prince Charming is a very good position to be in.

It would be lovely if our partners would always be on the ball with fulfilling our expectations – the different things we feel we deserve from a partner. The truth is that nobody will ever be able to do that perfectly – not one person, unless they’re literally just following orders and aren’t really living life how they want to! It isn’t something worth getting down about though. Even if your partner’s unwillingness to provide what you want is a deal breaker, that still shouldn’t be as big of an issue as it has become for a lot of people.

Other humans do not exist purely to fill in the gaps in our lives that we aren’t willing to fill ourselves. They were born purposeless and create their own purpose throughout their life. Their only innate “purpose” should be to live their life however they wish to. A healthy relationship should comprise of two, fully developed, fully independent human beings, and anything they do for each other should be seen as additional, unnecessary treats on top of the treats we already provide for ourselves! The cherries on top of the cakes.

Of course, all of this is easier said than done. Self-development is very difficult, as is rewiring a brain that’s been conditioned a certain way for as long as you’ve lived. The main takeaway should be that self-love is crucial to living that fantasy, idealistic life, and relationships should be based not on what somebody else can do or provide for you, but on what you both genuinely want to provide for each. There’s a massive difference between the Scenarios A and B below:

Scenario A:
Person 1: Why did you disappoint me by not buying me something really beautiful for Valentines Day, like a beautiful necklace, when that’s what I expect and deserve?

Person 2: Okay, I’ll go out and get you what you want because you want it and I want to make you happy 🙂

Scenario B:
Person 1: I really want a beautiful necklace for Valentines day because I feel that will make me feel special and like a Princess, so I will go out and treat myself to a beautiful necklace!

Person 2: I love your new beautiful necklace, I got you some fancy chocolates for Valentines day that I thought looked really nice!

It’s all too easy to feel that in scenario A, the man is doing the right thing by making the lady happy, but although it is a kind gesture, it isn’t his responsibility to purchase items for another person simply because they want them, no matter what day of the year it is. It isn’t that the woman doesn’t deserve the item, but simply that it’s his choice to make his mind up about what he thinks would or would not make a suitable gift. He isn’t going to be thinking the same way as the lady, and his way of thinking isn’t wrong or less good. Sometimes we will find men who are on the same wavelength in these ways and who will on their own accord coincidently think to buy exactly what the lady was hoping for, or perhaps men who will ask the lady what she would like and who prefer to gift in this way, but most men will be thinking differently.

Communication really is key – you need to explicitly lay down each others expectations openly – even if you think you don’t have expectations, there are probably times you may become resentful or slightly disappointed by your partner – which is due to expectations. Having needs and wants are okay, as long as you are happy to and capable of providing those things for yourself in your life, and that your partner is genuinely happy to provide the expectations that are non – negotiable for you in your relationship dynamic.

If they’re not genuinely happy to provide those things, then you both are simply incompatible in that sort of a relationship. Have some flexibility!

Storm

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The Start Of Revision

Hey guys!

This post is just one big ramble/rant about what my first step for revising for my final exams is going to be. Consider yourself warned!


 

As some of you may or may not know, I’m a student studying in her second year of a degree in Astrophysics.

I thought I’d come on here and write about how I plan to begin my revision for my end of year exams. I think sometimes taking the first step is the most difficult, so I want to make sure I have everything in order for when the time comes. Unfortunately, I won’t have much time to revise because the entirety of second year for me has been riddled with bad mental health spells and tons of coursework .

As an example, between the start of last Tuesday and the end of this Thursday we will have had 1 class test to revise for and 5 coursework deadlines (a class test in Optics along with four weeks of lecture summaries to hand in, a Differential Equations assignment to hand in, 10 hours of CV enhancement to complete along with an updated CV to hand in, a Nuclear Physics assignment along with a Quantum Mechanics assignment along with like 4 pieces of Python code to hand in and an observatory log book along with an observatory report to hand in).

So, as you can see, even within those pieces of coursework there are usually multiple components, so in that space of 9 days I will have completed 10 different components of coursework.

Which is difficult for most courses but let me tell you, Astrophysics is no joke.

Anyway, so I won’t have had any time to revise for the finals until I’ve handed in my last piece of coursework which likely won’t be until the deadline (Thursday).

I think the first step I’m going to take once I’m in my exam revision period is, before anything else, to give myself some self-care. I can hear some of you being all like “NO, DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME ON THAT WHEN YOU HAVE SO LITTLE TIME AS IT IS!”

Well I’m about to change your mind!

You see, with my crappy mental health and insane amounts of coursework, I haven’t even actually left the house since that class test last Tuesday – not even to go to my local supermarket (which is a 2 minute walk from my flat!) I haven’t been taking care of myself at all, and with my partner being in the same situation as me (not the best mental health and extremely busy with work) even the everyday things have really been swept to the side.

I will still be super busy with revision once I’ve finished with the coursework (as in, now I’m completing around 1.5ish percent of my overall grade in coursework per day, and it will be around the same  during the revision period in terms of what the final exams are worth vs the days I have to revise for them). However, I still really think this is the most important first step.

I just need to really quickly take a bath, y’know? I need to do the laundry. I need to tidy up. I need to take bags of clothes to the charity shop. I need to load the dishwasher. I need to leash train my kitten. I need to entertain my kitten. I need to create a revision plan. I need to take that VARK test and work out HOW I’m going to revise. I need to get my weight back down to what’s healthy for me. I need to stock the fridge with healthy food. I need to do a BIT of cleaning.

I don’t want to go nuts, but honestly, it really needs at least a bit of work because it’s like a mad house in here, and I have no idea how I could reasonably begin to revise without taking care of myself, my partner, my flat and my kitten in these ways first. I would just feel far too anxious and wouldn’t be able to leave the flat to go to the library to study anyway because I’d feel gross and wouldn’t want to leave the flat messy or leave my kitten needing attention, ugh.

It’s very stressful and really does need to be done, and I won’t be able to do it before then because I have 2 pieces of coursework to begin and complete within the next 2 days so I can’t really be thinking about revision before the 11th April, and only at that time onwards can I really revise…

So, hopefully you all agree with me now that this is the first thing I need to do once the revision period begins. I know logically it seems like the best thing to do would be to just fit in as much revision as possible considering how little time I have to study for these exams (one of my single semester modules contains 2 subjects (Quantum Mechanics and Nuclear Physics), and I only have 3 days to revise for each of those subjects), and I do see how this would ordinarily be the right thing to do. I just know that realistically, if I were to do that, I’d actually get less work done overall because I’d be super unfocussed.

I guess I could see that preparation as revision in itself? I mean, it isn’t REALLY, but then it sort of is because revision is technically anything that will bring your grade up in the exam right? All of this preparation will definitely ease my mind and make me far more comfortable which I think will definitely cause me to have a better grade in the exams!

I’ll just spend from whenever I give in my final piece of coursework until Friday for this preparation, so less than a day, which is enough time to make a real difference in creating a good, calm, happy and healthy brain environment for me to revise and not so much time that it actually does more bad than good. A good sweet spot.

So I have the first day of revision planned – I don’t really know what I’m going to be doing the day after but I guess that’s what the planning day is for.

Storm

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In Response To Emma Blackery’s “Why I Fell Out Of Love With Lush…” Video.

Hey guys,

I’m bored and just watched Emma Blackery’s video on why she has fallen out of love with Lush, and instead of commenting on her video I decided I’d make a post with my response on my blog.

So, here it is:


 

I still love Lush and really enjoy buying their products – but they have definitely changed a lot (over the past 3 years particularly).

It’s still an exciting store, but is just so insanely popular now – you’d have to turn up at 10am on a Wednesday or some similar time for the store to actually be remotely calm and comfortable to go shopping around in! The staff also drive me nuts (I know that isn’t their fault) and their approach to customers has always been a problem, but has definitely become a LOT more aggressive than before.

I do still like a lot of their old – school products – like Coalface for example, but don’t honestly go in to buy any of my old time favourites that they do still sell. As a customer, I feel like I’m just constantly being bombarded with new products, so the really high quality, older products take a back seat and aren’t really noticed so much, which is really sad!

I think everybody just went a bit nuts over Lush and all at the same time, and that “boom” has really changed the company and the customer’s experience of the company. I think they just need to cut back on their releases (e.g. releasing maybe 5 new lipsticks versus FORTY, under 10 releases for each season, maybe only 10 new permanent line items each year etc,) so that old products could be discontinued at a much less noticeable rate (and so that only old products that people don’t really care about would be discontinued).

I know Lush is supposed to be an innovative company but I don’t think there is anything boring about keeping around the products that people love and that work.

I am still interested in some of their products that they sell at the moment – I’d really like to find a nice lipstick from their new range for example, but beyond that I’m personally just trying to get through my stash and only purchase anything from there either on the rare occasion that they release something that does excite me, or on the rare occasion that I run out of one of my daily Lush essentials.

I think I *could* get back into the company more passionately once I work my way through my stash entirely, but with all the new products that they are constantly releasing I do feel that it would be difficult for me to do. I’m the type of person who likes to try a bit of everything to find their ultimate favourite product from each category (shampoo, conditioner, shower gel etc,) and then to stick to that product! That’s something that’s become almost impossible to do with Lush…

For example, I had ALMOST worked my way through all of their cleansers – and now they have 6 new solid ones?! You can’t even get samples of those things, and it’s hard to truly know how something works until you take it home and really trial it.

I think to really enjoy Lush you have to be using their products religiously every single day, because otherwise you will just become overloaded with products to use up and with new products to try.

Definitely isn’t the company for a customer who’s trying to find their perfect product through trial and error and is fairly bad at consistently using products.


So, that’s what I have to say about falling out of love with Lush!

Again, I DO still love Lush, and Lush is still my favourite store by far. I’d honestly be happy if they just reduced how many new products they release at a time, and if they cut back on their amount of products by maybe 50% or so. They just have WAY too much going on!

It’s hard for a customer to become loyal and in love with and attached to a product when the product lines keeps changing. That just sends customers a very confused message.

What do you guys think about Lush? Have any of you guys fallen out of love with the company? Feel free to leave a comment on your opinions below 🙂 

Storm

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10 Things I’d like to get done this week.

Here are the main 10 things at the front of my mind that I’d like to get done BEFORE I go back to Uni next Monday, as most of them are kinda essential to living a nice, happy, healthy, functional student life. This is probably a really long and boring list to read but uh, writing it helped me to get myself together for the start of a new day.

    • Going to actually get my bra size professionally measured so that I can wear bras that are actually COMFORTABLE and that actually FIT and LOOK GOOD ON ME! I have literally stopped wearing bras since around a month ago purely because of how uncomfortable they all were on me – so it’s time I get myself down to Selfridges and get myself properly measured for the first time in my life. I chose Selfridges because if I’m going to do something that I’m going to find this uncomfortable, there’s no doubt that I’m going to make sure that I get the job done as properly as possible. Selfridges also sell an insanely good, popular, all-rounder that I have my eye on.
    • Write a blog post about our new kitten Kepler because he is a big change to mine and my fiance’s life and adopting him was a decision that took a lot of thought and consideration.
    • Get my Serious Adverse Circumstances for my missed exam submitted ASAP and to the best of my ability so that I have my best chance of having a deferral to sit the exam in June instead. The exam was worth 80% of the module however I was feeling very unwell that morning and had to miss it – I had NO IDEA how difficult it would be in the end to basically prove that I’m not a liar. It is what it is and I have made all the right decisions, it’s just down to the exam board people to decide if my adverse circumstances were serious enough I guess.
    • Buy myself at least 3 new bras so that I’m at least minimally sorted with all of this bra faff for the time being. Again, I literally haven’t even worn any of my bras for around a month because of HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THEY ARE, so I’m kinda starting from scratch here.
    • Buy some new stationary for Uni from Poundland so I can be restocked and ready for Semester B of my second year on this degree! I bought all my stationary for Semester A during the Summer from Poundland and it was the best decision I could have made – I was able to buy a ton of stuff that was perfect for being a student and for an affordable price. I designated each item a purpose (e.g. for writing assignments, for classwork etc) which has kept me more organised and motivated to produce some really good work so far this year!
    • To declutter everything that I physically own in my flat, so that we can have more space! I’ve been watching the KonMari method on Netflix and it has absolutely inspired me to once again declutter, and without the guilt of feeling ungrateful for owning the things I might decide to get rid of – because the KonMari method involves holding each item individually and thanking it for the service it did for you. Although I’m fairly privileged and never went without when I was growing up, I still grew up in a very low income household, which has caused me to be a bit of a hoarder as an adult – despite my household income being fine now. I just feel so much guilt for getting rid of anything – there’s someone out there who would be so appreciative to own what I’m considering rubbish, and that thought really upsets me. But, I deserve to have space, and giving things to charity allows those people to find the amazing items that don’t fit into my life anymore.
    • Get all of my coursework done really well by Thursday 17th January – because I have two pieces of programming coursework due in by then and I really just need to sit down and get it done really well.
    • Self love needs to happen – I need to appreciate my favourite clothes, test out that Caca Rouge henna sample from Lush, give my hair a trim, post some awesome photos onto Instagram, do my makeup, brows, nails and shave, curl my hair, take a bath and all the other good things that just help me to feel like the awesome person I am!
    • Give my plants so love – give them a good water, put them in the positions that are best for them in the flat and write a blog post about them. I have some of the most gorgeous plants to take care of, and it would be far too sad to not share them with everybody online!

 

    • I seriously need to replace my phone, buy a camera, sort out my laptop, set up my fitbit, get myself a computer and buy some speakers for our TV. I know that this sounds like a lot, but it’s because I’ve left everything for so damn long, so my electronic needs have seriously begun to pile up. I’ve had my phone for 2 years and 9 months – 9 months longer than when my contract ended, and it’s an iPhone guys so this is pretty serious. I’ve been wanting a camera since forever – the amount of times per day I literally have to delete some of the few photos, apps and videos I store on my phone just to make enough space to re-install messenger because my phone decided to uninstall it because of lack of space. It’s ridiculous and I just need a damn designated camera and SSD card for all of my photos and videos. My laptop has been broken since around the beginning of my 3-year degree, so around 15 months ago I’d say, and I kinda need a laptop to do my work as I also don’t own a computer. I’ve just been borrowing Richard’s old work laptop since then but I really want my own one to be fixed as best as possible! My fitbit I’ve had for just over 3 years now and have hardly used because I wasn’t committed enough for fitness, however now I am and would love to make use of this nifty gadget. I want a computer because I just kinda do… I can’t really justify this one very well – I just love the reliability of actual PCs I guess and really miss having one, as I haven’t had my own one since around 5 years and 10 months ago. Now, we’ve had our TV for just over 3 years, and it has never had any speakers with it. The sound that you get purely from the monitor itself is absolutely awful – this is an absolute must! 
      That’s about everything for now!

      There are of course more things that I’d like to do before next Monday, but I don’t want to overwhelm myself so I’ll just keep adding new things as I get things done on this list.

      Storm