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Being Your Own Prince Or Princess Charming.

I have a confession to make.

I’ve been keeping super up to date with Love Island and I’m friggin loving it!

I love the whole Siannise and Luke dynamic – she’s the Princess and him her Prince Charming and it’s all super romantic and dreamy and idealistic.

It would be lovely if the world actually worked like that!

The truth is though, that there is no Prince for any girl out there. There isn’t even a Princess for any man out there – not in the fantasy sense at least. The reality is that as perfect as a man can try to be for his lady, and a lady be for his man, they will never, ever be quite that perfect because well, we’re human after all, and most of the time they will be a fairly far stretch away from those ideals.

I probably sound bitter and well, maybe I am a little. I used to be incredibly naive, believe in that sort of love, be ridiculously hopelessly romantic and idealistic. That was for the first 3 years of my “relationship” – I felt like I was floating, living in a dream bubble. I loved how he’d lift me up and spin me around, all the roses on Valentines day, the excitement he’d have when he’d talk to his friends about me. He could barely do any wrong.

But, he could. And did.

I just didn’t see those things quite as well as I saw the “love” – until he left me really quite suddenly!

We got back together a little after, but it was truly a lesson learnt. I genuinely used to cry from happiness when I’d see him, realising how insanely lucky I was to genuinely be living the life of my dreams, something to be envied. Now, it’s been a good couple of years since I cried from happiness! He and I have snuffed out my idealism quite a bit since then and I am far more realistic about everything now.

That need for a Prince Charming and for you to play the role of Princess, or that need for a Princess where you play the role of Prince Charming, is incredibly unhealthy. All of those Disney films and traditional gender roles are romanticised and fed to as being the ideal standard for our future partner for years and years growing up. But, boys and girls, you won’t ever find your Prince Charming or Princess in somebody else. Because our vision of that role is somebody perfect in our eyes, which absolutely cannot exist in a human being, because humans are fundamentally imperfect. More than that, everyone’s idea of perfect is unique to them – no two versions will match exactly. That’s not to say you won’t love or accept them as they are and see them as perfect in your own eyes, but regardless, they still will never 100% live up to your dream image of a partner – not for an entire lifetime with each other anyways! It is unfair to expect one human to fulfil every role of your desires perfectly – the perfect lover, perfect lifelong travel companion, the best chef, the best father/mother to your children, successful career man/woman, perfect housewife/husband/butler, the perfect personal shopper, perfect house cleaner, perfect personal entertainer, the best babysitter etc etc etc.

These expectations are not only unhealthy, but are entirely unrealistic. 

If you do truly want to “find” and experience that sense of fantasy for your lifetime, you’re going to have to find those roles within yourself.

Here’s what I mean.

You want to see the excitement on the face of the man of your dreams when he sees you in that brand new lingerie set on Valentines day that you carefully picked out?

Instead focus on buying what you genuinely feel beautiful in, regardless of what your partner may or not think, and treat yourself to a set of lingerie that makes you feel amazing, with the only expectations being that you look in the mirror and feel beautiful. You don’t need somebody else to think the same thing as you in order for you to believe it with all your heart. You don’t need a man to confirm that you look good, or sexy, or beautiful, or stunning, EVER. You just need to believe in the value of your own opinion, because you are unique and your opinions are unique to you – which is what makes you wonderful in the first place! How incredibly dull and pointless would the world be if we all thought identically to one another?

The other point is that, although I’m sure your partner would believe you look gorgeous in your new set of lingerie, he might not be the type of person to comment, or to act on that. Everybody is different and the main message here is that you can be your own Prince Charming. You want your man to be gobsmacked at you in your new lingerie set? Girl – YOU be gobsmacked at you in your new lingerie set! Look, you get to play the role of being the gorgeous Princess, AND you get to fulfil the role of the one that is amazed by how said Princess looks. How neat is that? Whoever said women wouldn’t rule the world someday?!

But really, men can do this too.

You want to come home to a daily cuppa and a “How was your day?” by your beautiful lady?

Instead, focus on providing for yourself what you genuinely want as your reward after a long day at work, regardless of what your partner may or may not provide, and treat yourself to a beverage made exactly how you like it and the wind-down activity of your choosing, with the only expectation being that you feel truly cared for when you come home. You don’t need somebody else to be on the same page as you in terms of your needs in order for you to deserve them. You don’t need a lady to make you feel that your efforts are valued. Again, you just need to believe in the value of your own opinion.

And again, I’m sure your partner does appreciate your hard work for the day, but it might not always be her first instinct to offer a drink or to ask about your day, because everybody is different, but you can play that role for yourself! You want your lady to show that she cares about your efforts for the day? You show yourself that you care about your efforts for the day! Getting to play the role of Prince Charming and the role of the one who takes care of Prince Charming is a very good position to be in.

It would be lovely if our partners would always be on the ball with fulfilling our expectations – the different things we feel we deserve from a partner. The truth is that nobody will ever be able to do that perfectly – not one person, unless they’re literally just following orders and aren’t really living life how they want to! It isn’t something worth getting down about though. Even if your partner’s unwillingness to provide what you want is a deal breaker, that still shouldn’t be as big of an issue as it has become for a lot of people.

Other humans do not exist purely to fill in the gaps in our lives that we aren’t willing to fill ourselves. They were born purposeless and create their own purpose throughout their life. Their only innate “purpose” should be to live their life however they wish to. A healthy relationship should comprise of two, fully developed, fully independent human beings, and anything they do for each other should be seen as additional, unnecessary treats on top of the treats we already provide for ourselves! The cherries on top of the cakes.

Of course, all of this is easier said than done. Self-development is very difficult, as is rewiring a brain that’s been conditioned a certain way for as long as you’ve lived. The main takeaway should be that self-love is crucial to living that fantasy, idealistic life, and relationships should be based not on what somebody else can do or provide for you, but on what you both genuinely want to provide for each. There’s a massive difference between the Scenarios A and B below:

Scenario A:
Person 1: Why did you disappoint me by not buying me something really beautiful for Valentines Day, like a beautiful necklace, when that’s what I expect and deserve?

Person 2: Okay, I’ll go out and get you what you want because you want it and I want to make you happy 🙂

Scenario B:
Person 1: I really want a beautiful necklace for Valentines day because I feel that will make me feel special and like a Princess, so I will go out and treat myself to a beautiful necklace!

Person 2: I love your new beautiful necklace, I got you some fancy chocolates for Valentines day that I thought looked really nice!

It’s all too easy to feel that in scenario A, the man is doing the right thing by making the lady happy, but although it is a kind gesture, it isn’t his responsibility to purchase items for another person simply because they want them, no matter what day of the year it is. It isn’t that the woman doesn’t deserve the item, but simply that it’s his choice to make his mind up about what he thinks would or would not make a suitable gift. He isn’t going to be thinking the same way as the lady, and his way of thinking isn’t wrong or less good. Sometimes we will find men who are on the same wavelength in these ways and who will on their own accord coincidently think to buy exactly what the lady was hoping for, or perhaps men who will ask the lady what she would like and who prefer to gift in this way, but most men will be thinking differently.

Communication really is key – you need to explicitly lay down each others expectations openly – even if you think you don’t have expectations, there are probably times you may become resentful or slightly disappointed by your partner – which is due to expectations. Having needs and wants are okay, as long as you are happy to and capable of providing those things for yourself in your life, and that your partner is genuinely happy to provide the expectations that are non – negotiable for you in your relationship dynamic.

If they’re not genuinely happy to provide those things, then you both are simply incompatible in that sort of a relationship. Have some flexibility!

Storm

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Growing Up

Growing up… Becoming more mature… These phrases always leave me with a subtle sense of dread lingering in the back of my mind.

I’ve never liked the idea of being sensible, grown up, mature for my age or anything else. I love the idealistic image of me being young, crazy, wild, full of energy and still being the young version of myself at heart.

But, you know what? Being mature doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I think that as long as one doesn’t allow their fun, idealistic self to become too sensible and realistic, as long as one doesn’t allow their young, spirited self to die and fade away, then I think being wise and mature is a brilliant thing. It allows for an easier life – one where individuals are able to provide for their own wants and needs independently and with little-to-no mental anguish.

I wouldn’t want to be less mature than I am, that’s for certain. Any sense of maturity and wisdom I have is something I prize when it comes to sharing my ideas in conversation. It’s a part of me that helps me to be kind and open-minded, to think logically and objectively in tricky or tense situations. With any less maturity than what I already have, I think I’d be a lot less happy.

In fact, I think I’m not quite mature enough. I do despise that word though – mature. It conjures up the image of an unhappy old woman, boxed in by her own thoughts of what’s considered to be sensible, normal, conventional. And THAT’S not somebody I ever intend on being!

But… I wouldn’t mind my partner knowing that, should he feel tired after work, he can rely on me to be happy to cook a healthy, tasty, fast dinner for the both of us.

I wouldn’t mind for Richard to feel at ease with the knowledge that my financial health isn’t dependent on him working at a good job – that I can financially support myself and even him if he were ever to want a break from working.

I wouldn’t mind Richard not having to worry about keeping a close eye on my mental health, not having to help me keep myself physically healthy, and not having to make sure I’m on top of my Uni work.

I wouldn’t mind finding it easy to take out the recycling, to clean and tidy the flat, and to achieve some general chores (like making important phone calls,) all by myself.

I wouldn’t mind not having to feel guilty and stupid after saying something hurtful to someone I love, and for my partner to trust that his emotional wellbeing, happiness, dreams and freedom are 100% safe in my hands.

I wouldn’t mind being less scared of the world, and to be able to just get on with doing things by myself.

I wouldn’t mind my partner feeling that our roles are equal – that neither of us are a burden in any way, shape or form to one another, that we are both strong, healthy, happy and complete individuals.

I wouldn’t mind being able to make my ideas a reality, without having all this doubt and anxiety holding me back.

I have made it my mission to have achieved my desired level of maturity by around a years time!

I never want to be boring. I always want to be a cute, strange, quirky, unique and adventurous person who’s always unapologetically me. I just want to be a more strong, confident, skilled, fearless, dependable and reliable version of that person.

Basically, I want to be a cute princess and a badass superhero.

Becoming more mature, grown up, intelligent and wise does NOT mean you have lose anything positive that your young self possesses. It doesn’t have to mean that at all. It means retaining your youthful spirit whilst honing some of your weaker life skills, until those skills are strong and complete.

If being mature means to be cute, strong, strange, confident, skilled, quirky, fearless, unique, dependable and reliable, then it’s something I want to be.

– Storm

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Lush The Comforter Bubble Bar Review

The Comforter Bubble Bar

thecomforter

Rating: 4/5

Cons:

This bubble bar is really soapy! There is no way I could have a bath using The Comforter and not have to rinse off in the shower afterwords.

You can get 2+ uses out of this bubble bar, but the second time I bathed with it the novelty of it has already sort of worn off (I had the leftovers from the first bath lying around the house for weeks,) so I just sort of… used up all the rest in the second bath…

I didn’t find this bubble bar to be that fun of a product compared to many of Lush’s others if I’m honest!

Pros:

This smells lovely! Like blackcurrent sherbet sweets 🙂

This bubble bar creates an insaneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee amount of bubbles!!! (The first image below is the result before turning on bath jets, the second image is the result after turning on bath jets.)

The colour that The Comforter turns the bath water is an incredibly gorgeous pale magenta colour – similar to slightly paler version of the colour of Calpol!

Everything about this bubble bar screams girly. It is perfect for a night in where you just want to celebrate being the princess that all girls know they are inside! It is pink, looks like some sort of pudding, and creates a fluffy pink sweet and fruity scented bath – what more could a girl need to relax?!

The design of this bubble bar is beautiful. It is made up of a swirl of creamy white and a swirl of beautiful magenta – both incredibly pigmented!

This is a Lush product and is vegan – in my opinion, those pros alone make this bubble bar worth a shot!

This bath was slightly moisturising, which although not incredible, it definitely wasn’t a bad thing.


Overall conclusion:

Overall, this was a vert cute bubble bar, and was one that I did really enjoy. It wasn’t as exciting as bath bath bombs are, but it was still really lovely. There honestly isn’t that much to say about this product – it is nice and girly, smells like blackcurrents and leaves your bath pink and very bubbly.

Overall, I give The Comforter Bubble Bar a rating of 4/5* (I’m feeling generous today.) It gave me a nice, uber bubbly and uber girly bath – nothing more or less than that really!

– Storm