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Growing Up

Growing up… Becoming more mature… These phrases always leave me with a subtle sense of dread lingering in the back of my mind.

I’ve never liked the idea of being sensible, grown up, mature for my age or anything else. I love the idealistic image of me being young, crazy, wild, full of energy and still being the young version of myself at heart.

But, you know what? Being mature doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I think that as long as one doesn’t allow their fun, idealistic self to become too sensible and realistic, as long as one doesn’t allow their young, spirited self to die and fade away, then I think being wise and mature is a brilliant thing. It allows for an easier life – one where individuals are able to provide for their own wants and needs independently and with little-to-no mental anguish.

I wouldn’t want to be less mature than I am, that’s for certain. Any sense of maturity and wisdom I have is something I prize when it comes to sharing my ideas in conversation. It’s a part of me that helps me to be kind and open-minded, to think logically and objectively in tricky or tense situations. With any less maturity than what I already have, I think I’d be a lot less happy.

In fact, I think I’m not quite mature enough. I do despise that word though – mature. It conjures up the image of an unhappy old woman, boxed in by her own thoughts of what’s considered to be sensible, normal, conventional. And THAT’S not somebody I ever intend on being!

But… I wouldn’t mind my partner knowing that, should he feel tired after work, he can rely on me to be happy to cook a healthy, tasty, fast dinner for the both of us.

I wouldn’t mind for Richard to feel at ease with the knowledge that my financial health isn’t dependent on him working at a good job – that I can financially support myself and even him if he were ever to want a break from working.

I wouldn’t mind Richard not having to worry about keeping a close eye on my mental health, not having to help me keep myself physically healthy, and not having to make sure I’m on top of my Uni work.

I wouldn’t mind finding it easy to take out the recycling, to clean and tidy the flat, and to achieve some general chores (like making important phone calls,) all by myself.

I wouldn’t mind not having to feel guilty and stupid after saying something hurtful to someone I love, and for my partner to trust that his emotional wellbeing, happiness, dreams and freedom are 100% safe in my hands.

I wouldn’t mind being less scared of the world, and to be able to just get on with doing things by myself.

I wouldn’t mind my partner feeling that our roles are equal – that neither of us are a burden in any way, shape or form to one another, that we are both strong, healthy, happy and complete individuals.

I wouldn’t mind being able to make my ideas a reality, without having all this doubt and anxiety holding me back.

I have made it my mission to have achieved my desired level of maturity by around a years time!

I never want to be boring. I always want to be a cute, strange, quirky, unique and adventurous person who’s always unapologetically me. I just want to be a more strong, confident, skilled, fearless, dependable and reliable version of that person.

Basically, I want to be a cute princess and a badass superhero.

Becoming more mature, grown up, intelligent and wise does NOT mean you have lose anything positive that your young self possesses. It doesn’t have to mean that at all. It means retaining your youthful spirit whilst honing some of your weaker life skills, until those skills are strong and complete.

If being mature means to be cute, strong, strange, confident, skilled, quirky, fearless, unique, dependable and reliable, then it’s something I want to be.

– Storm

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When you’re experiencing a trough in your emotions.

I see my emotional state as a wave that I’m travelling on. When I’m experiencing a peak, I feel absolutely incredible – and I know the moment won’t last, so I appreciate it to the full. When I’m experiencing a trough, I’m absolutely miserable – but I know the feeling won’t and can’t last forever, which is of some comfort to me.

I definitely experienced a trough in my emotions today. Beforehand, I could just feel my perspective of absolutely everything in my life spiraling downward, becoming more and more negative. The more I thought about something that seemed to be negative to me (like the amount of college work deadlines I have over the next 2-3 weeks,) the more terrible and hopeless the situation seemed.

During the trough, that was it. I was at my lowest and felt very vulnerable. It felt as though everything was out of my hands, and I was absolutely miserable. Nothing seemed to matter – my last piece of hope for happiness seemed to just disappear. It was bad, and extremely stressful!

Finally, the trough passed. Some hope was restored, and I began to feel a little better and happier.

So, I suppose I am now headed toward a peak in my emotions, and I’m feeling a lot more positive now the eye of the storm has passed. I’ve been heading for that trough probably for about a week or so now, so it’s nice that it is finally over and done with!

I just felt it was important to write about this because I know that things can seem really bad sometimes. Like, really really bad. As bad as it may seem though, it really will pass. I think once you just accept that experiencing emotions is like riding a wave, you begin to feel more comforted by the idea.

Stay strong guys!

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If not now, then when?

Everyone has times where they feel like they just have so many tasks that they need and want to do, just piling up and up and up. Even those things that aren’t tedious jobs – like that book you bought a couple of months ago and have been meaning to read, or the fact that you wanted to begin painting, but never quite got round to it. It could be something big – re-decorating the house and doing a massive spring clean – or something small, like giving yourself the time to relax and to finally use that exciting bath bomb that you’ve hoarded for so long.

We are always thinking ahead, planning ahead. That’s okay – I think thinking ahead is very healthy, and gives everyday personal meaning, because everyday is step forward toward your dreams. However, sometimes in always thinking ahead, in always putting off the “less pressing” tasks, we end up with this backlog in our mind of all the things we never ALLOW ourselves to do, due to labelling them as being less of a priority.

Sometimes, we just need to say to ourselves…

If not now, then when?

When you next have some time, even just an hour away from being in college, from being in University, from being at work… Ask yourself: If not now, then when? Then decide on something that you really don’t WANT to be left for another week, another month, another season, another year… And just DO it. Get it done. Get up, stop overthinking about whether it is the most pressing thing that you need to do at the minute and just do it!

I’ll be posting about some of the things I achieve after asking myself this exact question!

Go on, what are you waiting for!

– Storm