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Being Your Own Prince Or Princess Charming.

I have a confession to make.

I’ve been keeping super up to date with Love Island and I’m friggin loving it!

I love the whole Siannise and Luke dynamic – she’s the Princess and him her Prince Charming and it’s all super romantic and dreamy and idealistic.

It would be lovely if the world actually worked like that!

The truth is though, that there is no Prince for any girl out there. There isn’t even a Princess for any man out there – not in the fantasy sense at least. The reality is that as perfect as a man can try to be for his lady, and a lady be for his man, they will never, ever be quite that perfect because well, we’re human after all, and most of the time they will be a fairly far stretch away from those ideals.

I probably sound bitter and well, maybe I am a little. I used to be incredibly naive, believe in that sort of love, be ridiculously hopelessly romantic and idealistic. That was for the first 3 years of my “relationship” – I felt like I was floating, living in a dream bubble. I loved how he’d lift me up and spin me around, all the roses on Valentines day, the excitement he’d have when he’d talk to his friends about me. He could barely do any wrong.

But, he could. And did.

I just didn’t see those things quite as well as I saw the “love” – until he left me really quite suddenly!

We got back together a little after, but it was truly a lesson learnt. I genuinely used to cry from happiness when I’d see him, realising how insanely lucky I was to genuinely be living the life of my dreams, something to be envied. Now, it’s been a good couple of years since I cried from happiness! He and I have snuffed out my idealism quite a bit since then and I am far more realistic about everything now.

That need for a Prince Charming and for you to play the role of Princess, or that need for a Princess where you play the role of Prince Charming, is incredibly unhealthy. All of those Disney films and traditional gender roles are romanticised and fed to as being the ideal standard for our future partner for years and years growing up. But, boys and girls, you won’t ever find your Prince Charming or Princess in somebody else. Because our vision of that role is somebody perfect in our eyes, which absolutely cannot exist in a human being, because humans are fundamentally imperfect. More than that, everyone’s idea of perfect is unique to them – no two versions will match exactly. That’s not to say you won’t love or accept them as they are and see them as perfect in your own eyes, but regardless, they still will never 100% live up to your dream image of a partner – not for an entire lifetime with each other anyways! It is unfair to expect one human to fulfil every role of your desires perfectly – the perfect lover, perfect lifelong travel companion, the best chef, the best father/mother to your children, successful career man/woman, perfect housewife/husband/butler, the perfect personal shopper, perfect house cleaner, perfect personal entertainer, the best babysitter etc etc etc.

These expectations are not only unhealthy, but are entirely unrealistic. 

If you do truly want to “find” and experience that sense of fantasy for your lifetime, you’re going to have to find those roles within yourself.

Here’s what I mean.

You want to see the excitement on the face of the man of your dreams when he sees you in that brand new lingerie set on Valentines day that you carefully picked out?

Instead focus on buying what you genuinely feel beautiful in, regardless of what your partner may or not think, and treat yourself to a set of lingerie that makes you feel amazing, with the only expectations being that you look in the mirror and feel beautiful. You don’t need somebody else to think the same thing as you in order for you to believe it with all your heart. You don’t need a man to confirm that you look good, or sexy, or beautiful, or stunning, EVER. You just need to believe in the value of your own opinion, because you are unique and your opinions are unique to you – which is what makes you wonderful in the first place! How incredibly dull and pointless would the world be if we all thought identically to one another?

The other point is that, although I’m sure your partner would believe you look gorgeous in your new set of lingerie, he might not be the type of person to comment, or to act on that. Everybody is different and the main message here is that you can be your own Prince Charming. You want your man to be gobsmacked at you in your new lingerie set? Girl – YOU be gobsmacked at you in your new lingerie set! Look, you get to play the role of being the gorgeous Princess, AND you get to fulfil the role of the one that is amazed by how said Princess looks. How neat is that? Whoever said women wouldn’t rule the world someday?!

But really, men can do this too.

You want to come home to a daily cuppa and a “How was your day?” by your beautiful lady?

Instead, focus on providing for yourself what you genuinely want as your reward after a long day at work, regardless of what your partner may or may not provide, and treat yourself to a beverage made exactly how you like it and the wind-down activity of your choosing, with the only expectation being that you feel truly cared for when you come home. You don’t need somebody else to be on the same page as you in terms of your needs in order for you to deserve them. You don’t need a lady to make you feel that your efforts are valued. Again, you just need to believe in the value of your own opinion.

And again, I’m sure your partner does appreciate your hard work for the day, but it might not always be her first instinct to offer a drink or to ask about your day, because everybody is different, but you can play that role for yourself! You want your lady to show that she cares about your efforts for the day? You show yourself that you care about your efforts for the day! Getting to play the role of Prince Charming and the role of the one who takes care of Prince Charming is a very good position to be in.

It would be lovely if our partners would always be on the ball with fulfilling our expectations – the different things we feel we deserve from a partner. The truth is that nobody will ever be able to do that perfectly – not one person, unless they’re literally just following orders and aren’t really living life how they want to! It isn’t something worth getting down about though. Even if your partner’s unwillingness to provide what you want is a deal breaker, that still shouldn’t be as big of an issue as it has become for a lot of people.

Other humans do not exist purely to fill in the gaps in our lives that we aren’t willing to fill ourselves. They were born purposeless and create their own purpose throughout their life. Their only innate “purpose” should be to live their life however they wish to. A healthy relationship should comprise of two, fully developed, fully independent human beings, and anything they do for each other should be seen as additional, unnecessary treats on top of the treats we already provide for ourselves! The cherries on top of the cakes.

Of course, all of this is easier said than done. Self-development is very difficult, as is rewiring a brain that’s been conditioned a certain way for as long as you’ve lived. The main takeaway should be that self-love is crucial to living that fantasy, idealistic life, and relationships should be based not on what somebody else can do or provide for you, but on what you both genuinely want to provide for each. There’s a massive difference between the Scenarios A and B below:

Scenario A:
Person 1: Why did you disappoint me by not buying me something really beautiful for Valentines Day, like a beautiful necklace, when that’s what I expect and deserve?

Person 2: Okay, I’ll go out and get you what you want because you want it and I want to make you happy 🙂

Scenario B:
Person 1: I really want a beautiful necklace for Valentines day because I feel that will make me feel special and like a Princess, so I will go out and treat myself to a beautiful necklace!

Person 2: I love your new beautiful necklace, I got you some fancy chocolates for Valentines day that I thought looked really nice!

It’s all too easy to feel that in scenario A, the man is doing the right thing by making the lady happy, but although it is a kind gesture, it isn’t his responsibility to purchase items for another person simply because they want them, no matter what day of the year it is. It isn’t that the woman doesn’t deserve the item, but simply that it’s his choice to make his mind up about what he thinks would or would not make a suitable gift. He isn’t going to be thinking the same way as the lady, and his way of thinking isn’t wrong or less good. Sometimes we will find men who are on the same wavelength in these ways and who will on their own accord coincidently think to buy exactly what the lady was hoping for, or perhaps men who will ask the lady what she would like and who prefer to gift in this way, but most men will be thinking differently.

Communication really is key – you need to explicitly lay down each others expectations openly – even if you think you don’t have expectations, there are probably times you may become resentful or slightly disappointed by your partner – which is due to expectations. Having needs and wants are okay, as long as you are happy to and capable of providing those things for yourself in your life, and that your partner is genuinely happy to provide the expectations that are non – negotiable for you in your relationship dynamic.

If they’re not genuinely happy to provide those things, then you both are simply incompatible in that sort of a relationship. Have some flexibility!

Storm

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My Perfect Face Routine (In Photos)

The Initial ‘Before’ Photo:

 

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Step 1: Getting Rid Of Spots:

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Step 2: Brushing My Teeth:

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Step 3: Flossing My Teeth:

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Step 4: Using Mouthwash:

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Step 5: Exfoliating

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Step 6: Exfoliating lips:

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Step 7: Using A Mattifying Face Mask Where My Skin Is Oily:

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Step 8: Using A Moisturising Face Mask Where My Skin Is Dry:

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Step 9: Cleansing My Skin:

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Step 10: Using A Spot Treatment:

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Step 11: Getting Rid Of New Spots:

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Step 12: Brushing Teeth:

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Step 13: Using Mouthwash:

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Step 14: Cleansing My Skin:

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Step 15: Putting In Contact Lenses

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Step 16: Moisturising My Face:

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Step 17: Priming My Face:

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Step 18: Applying Foundation:

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Step 19: Applying Concealer:

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Step 20: Applying Powder:

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Step 21: Applying Brows:

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Step 22: Curling Lashes:

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Step 23: Applying Mascara:

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Step 24: Applying Lip balm:

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Step 25: Applying Lipstick:

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Step 26: Applying Fixing Spray:

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Comparing Before & After:

 

Storm

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My Hair!

Hey guys!

This post is all about my hair! I’ve been wanting to write a post about my hair for a while because it’s definitely something I feel quite proud of, and I’d love it if some like-minded ladies found some hair inspiration in this post 🙂

I hope you enjoy!


BEFORE… 

(Dying process took place sometime between 3rd June 2014 and 16th July 2014.)

Before I began growing my natural hair out, I had been dying it for the previous 8 years or so. I literally hadn’t seen what my natural hair looked like since then, and I always assumed it would be a mousey, grey-blonde, super unattractive colour going by what I could see of any roots that would show.

Nonetheless, I became absolutely sick and tired of trying to maintain a dyed hair colour. It just felt like a losing battle against nature, so in the end I thought “Fine hair, you win. If you want to be natural, healthy and long, you can be natural, healthy and long.” I decided it was time to let nature take its course and to just accept my unique genetics for what they are – rather than trying to hide them. I decided to go all natural, and to grow my hair out completely. My goal was to grow out my natural hair, without any cuts besides trimming off split ends, to the point where I would find my hair to be actually less attractive than when it were a tad bit shorter. I’ve always loved long, natural princess hair, so I assumed this would turn out to be a very long length!

To begin this process, I first cut my hair at the time as short as I possibly could without getting upset, so that I would have as little “starter” hair as possible. I also dyed it with a permanent dye in my favourite colour (magenta) – both so that I could enjoy having beautifully coloured hair one last time, and so that I would have a permanent marker between where my old, damaged hair ended and where my natural, new and healthy hair would begin. Basically, I had a very short (around lip length) straight across magenta bob, with a fringe (or bangs.) The natural hair process had officially begun!

DURING…

During the hair growing process, I would check my roots everyday in the mirror for any progress. I was SO EXCITED by the sign of any new, healthy, natural hair growth! I took such good care of my hair during this stage – I made sure to wash it very, very rarely (only once it would become very, very dirty,) and made sure to condition it in the shower every single day. I even went so far as to put BODY BUTTER AND BODY LOTION into my hair, to help add in EVEN MORE moisture!

Every now and then, when my hair would start to become a little bit longer, I’d ask my partner to cut my hair back to its original bob length, straight across, whereas I left my fringe to grow out. My plan was to get all my hair to be natural, and all the same length.

After maybe a year or so, my hair was entirely natural and my fringe had pretty much grown out – yay! It was also just below shoulder length. I decided to cut a fringe in around this point, which I then grew out, and I then cut another fringe and some face-framing layers in a year later. I basically have just maintained my fringe, grew my face-framing layers out and have just kept growing my hair out, only trimming it straight across to get the split ends off every now and then.

AFTER…

(Hair at the present, 3rd September 2018)

After all that time, 4 years and 2 months later (wow, I didn’t realise it had been that long,) my hair is now pretty damn long, and I still have my fringe! I still haven’t reached a moment where I look in the mirror and think to myself “My hair actually looked more attractive before, when it was a bit shorter.” So, I’m still growing it 🙂 After all of this process, I now absolutely LOVE my natural hair. I think the colour is absolutely gorgeous – a golden, sunshine caramel colour, and think that it’s such a unique colour for people with my warm, olive skin tone to have. I love how healthy it is. I love how free it is. I don’t interrupt its natural process at all – besides to shampoo / condition / add hair moisturisers to it, and apart from cutting it to maintain my fringe length and to keep the split ends at bay. I just really, really love it. I feel that my hair is more unique, true to myself and self-expressive than I have ever felt it has been before.

I aim to keep growing it until I reach the point I stated earlier, and to then to cut it and maintain it at the length I decide looks the best. I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting a fringe – I love how I never have hair in my eyes and I just think a fringe really suits me (and most people honestly!) After reaching my ideal length, I MAY cut it into some sort of style – like into a V-shape, cutting layers into the front to frame my face and layers into the back, MAYBE. It’s far more likely that I wont though, because I just really love my hair and don’t want to cut any of it off! I have also toyed around with the idea of perming it – I’ve always LOVED curly hair, but the thought of it growing out, having to maintain it and it just not being natural really puts me off. I’ll more likely keep trying overnight hair curling methods. As for dying it in any way, I do love the look of sun-kissed hair – pretty surfer-esque highlights or a balayage effect, but I don’t know… I think I’d prefer to try to achieve that naturally, by applying chamomile and lemon to my hair and sitting in the sunshine! Basically, I kinda love my hair now, like, a lot. The thought of it taking on another colour besides my own scares me! I absolutely love bright colours like magenta – just not on my hair thank you very much!

The way I do add some interest to my hair is by using overnight curling methods to curl my hair, by maintaining my fringe, by using hats and accessories, and by putting my hair up into different styles like braids, high ponytails, side ponytails, messy buns etc. I love my hair! 🙂


 

Thanks for reading this essay about my hair!

What are some things you love about your hair? What are some things you love about your natural self?

Let me know in the comments below!
– Storm