0

Blossoming As A Type 4.

Hey guys!

So, I recently discovered that using Enneagram typology, I am a 4w5. I’ve already learnt a lot about this type and after learning about the different levels of healthiness of my Enneagram type, I decided to write a blog post on blossoming as a type 4 as soon as I could.

I believe I’m at level 7 on the four’s levels of development scale.

I think if I were on any level below a 7, I would basically feel much worse than I do now (although I do resonate a lot with level 8 too). In fact, I definitely feel everything written that a level 8 feels, apart from I don’t feel that I am closed off to receiving help – which I think is the biggest distinction between a level 7 and a level 8 in my opinion. In fact, I absolutely love being helped and actively ask for help often, and although sometimes it is difficult to receive it, I’m always happy and grateful once I have. Definitely not a level 9 at the moment though – I think that level is reserved for the lowest of the low points I experience in my life (such as during my foundation year at my first University…) Although, I definitely do experience the odd emotional breakdown every now and then!

I think if I were on any level above a 7, I’d definitely be a lot more expressive than I am now, although I do relate a LOT with level 5, and I think a level 5 is basically me on a good day!

A level 7 resonates with me most because it is a state where chaos leads to one disallowing themselves from basically doing anything that they enjoy, leads to anger toward oneself, leads to depression and isolation… It’s just basically a sort of reactionary state to being in a bad situation.

My bad situation? Well, I’m just not doing great at Uni and am just generally really not very happy with my life and how it’s going at all. It could be worse, but it certainly could be quite a bit better.

So, I want to blossom.

What is it to blossom?

Apparently, according to the Google search result for “define blossom”, it means to “mature or develop in a promising or healthy way.” Synonyms are develop, grow, mature, progress, evolve, burst forth, come to fruition, flourish, thrive, get on well, prosper, succeed, be successful, make headway, bloom, burgeon and go great guns… Antonyms are fade and fail.

Basically, I’m pretty bored and fed up of being a level 7. I mean, it’s okay, but there is a lot more out there for me to experience and I know that’s the person I want to be.

I know I probably seem to be taking the Enneagram too literally, or seem obsessive, or maybe it seems like I’m just using this as another procrastination tactic.

It isn’t that I’m taking the Enneagram literally, rather that it has made me feel quite validated and I definitely resonate with this typology system better than the MBTI (it took 4 tests before I got the same result twice for MBTI, and only 2 for Enneagram).

I’m not obsessive about the Enneagram itself – rather about the prospect of being happy, healthy and successful.

I’m not using this to procrastinate, this is something I need to do so that I will find being productive easier and feel less need to procrastinate altogether.

So, I’m really excited about this. I’m excited about working on me. I work on me a lot to be fair, but in a much less direct way than I intend to now do. This should be priority – type 4’s who are on the extreme end of level 9 are LIKELY to commit suicide! I mean, what’s more important than preventing that? I need to climb this development ladder and FAST.

I’m scared of shifting my focus – scared that my future will somehow fall apart, scared that it will lead to me being unproductive, scared that it won’t work, scared that it will be a waste of time, scared that it is the wrong decision, scared that this will just lead me into an even deeper depression, scared that it might go right and I might actually end up being happy through doing this… That’s the scariest thought of all! It means letting go of who I am, who I have been, and allowing myself to live the life I’ve always wanted. That’s scary when you feel like you’re not good enough to live that life.

So, to start my blossoming, I’m going to get myself some routine going. I’ve heard nothing but good things about fours having a good routine to get them stuck into the reality of daily life. I’m not going to go nuts with a routine, but I’ll just give myself the structure that I think I actually need to be happiest.

I also really need to stay on top of my studies. I NEED to stay grounded in the reality that I’ve created for myself, but without TRAPPING myself! I need to be studying, hard, and doing the work I set for myself and meeting those expectations every single day. I need to be kind to myself and give myself realistic expectations and allow myself time to just be free, but sticking to those expectations is essential to me being happy and loving myself.

I need to begin taking care of myself and making me feel good about myself. I need to take my long Lush baths, do my hair and makeup, use my perfumes, take care in what clothes and jewellery I wear, taking photos of myself and being proud of who I am and of how I represent myself with how I look.

I NEED TO BE FEARLESS AND MAKE TIME TO DO THE THINGS THAT I ENJOY! I need to allow myself to READ my books, to write my blog posts, to edit my photos, to paint my pictures, to learn my instruments, to sing my songs, TO CREATE. I NEED TO MAKE TIME EVERYDAY TO BE CREATIVE! How else am I going to express myself? I NEED THIS. I think this will absolutely bring me the most joy in my life. I need this so, so much.

I’m going to leave it there, because I think that amount of focus is the right amount to allow me to thrive.

This is, of course, before the fact – so I will do my best to update ya’ll on my progress at a later time to say how it’s all going.

Thanks for reading,

Storm

 

 

1

10 Things I’d like to get done this week.

Here are the main 10 things at the front of my mind that I’d like to get done BEFORE I go back to Uni next Monday, as most of them are kinda essential to living a nice, happy, healthy, functional student life. This is probably a really long and boring list to read but uh, writing it helped me to get myself together for the start of a new day.

    • Going to actually get my bra size professionally measured so that I can wear bras that are actually COMFORTABLE and that actually FIT and LOOK GOOD ON ME! I have literally stopped wearing bras since around a month ago purely because of how uncomfortable they all were on me – so it’s time I get myself down to Selfridges and get myself properly measured for the first time in my life. I chose Selfridges because if I’m going to do something that I’m going to find this uncomfortable, there’s no doubt that I’m going to make sure that I get the job done as properly as possible. Selfridges also sell an insanely good, popular, all-rounder that I have my eye on.
    • Write a blog post about our new kitten Kepler because he is a big change to mine and my fiance’s life and adopting him was a decision that took a lot of thought and consideration.
    • Get my Serious Adverse Circumstances for my missed exam submitted ASAP and to the best of my ability so that I have my best chance of having a deferral to sit the exam in June instead. The exam was worth 80% of the module however I was feeling very unwell that morning and had to miss it – I had NO IDEA how difficult it would be in the end to basically prove that I’m not a liar. It is what it is and I have made all the right decisions, it’s just down to the exam board people to decide if my adverse circumstances were serious enough I guess.
    • Buy myself at least 3 new bras so that I’m at least minimally sorted with all of this bra faff for the time being. Again, I literally haven’t even worn any of my bras for around a month because of HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THEY ARE, so I’m kinda starting from scratch here.
    • Buy some new stationary for Uni from Poundland so I can be restocked and ready for Semester B of my second year on this degree! I bought all my stationary for Semester A during the Summer from Poundland and it was the best decision I could have made – I was able to buy a ton of stuff that was perfect for being a student and for an affordable price. I designated each item a purpose (e.g. for writing assignments, for classwork etc) which has kept me more organised and motivated to produce some really good work so far this year!
    • To declutter everything that I physically own in my flat, so that we can have more space! I’ve been watching the KonMari method on Netflix and it has absolutely inspired me to once again declutter, and without the guilt of feeling ungrateful for owning the things I might decide to get rid of – because the KonMari method involves holding each item individually and thanking it for the service it did for you. Although I’m fairly privileged and never went without when I was growing up, I still grew up in a very low income household, which has caused me to be a bit of a hoarder as an adult – despite my household income being fine now. I just feel so much guilt for getting rid of anything – there’s someone out there who would be so appreciative to own what I’m considering rubbish, and that thought really upsets me. But, I deserve to have space, and giving things to charity allows those people to find the amazing items that don’t fit into my life anymore.
    • Get all of my coursework done really well by Thursday 17th January – because I have two pieces of programming coursework due in by then and I really just need to sit down and get it done really well.
    • Self love needs to happen – I need to appreciate my favourite clothes, test out that Caca Rouge henna sample from Lush, give my hair a trim, post some awesome photos onto Instagram, do my makeup, brows, nails and shave, curl my hair, take a bath and all the other good things that just help me to feel like the awesome person I am!
    • Give my plants so love – give them a good water, put them in the positions that are best for them in the flat and write a blog post about them. I have some of the most gorgeous plants to take care of, and it would be far too sad to not share them with everybody online!

 

    • I seriously need to replace my phone, buy a camera, sort out my laptop, set up my fitbit, get myself a computer and buy some speakers for our TV. I know that this sounds like a lot, but it’s because I’ve left everything for so damn long, so my electronic needs have seriously begun to pile up. I’ve had my phone for 2 years and 9 months – 9 months longer than when my contract ended, and it’s an iPhone guys so this is pretty serious. I’ve been wanting a camera since forever – the amount of times per day I literally have to delete some of the few photos, apps and videos I store on my phone just to make enough space to re-install messenger because my phone decided to uninstall it because of lack of space. It’s ridiculous and I just need a damn designated camera and SSD card for all of my photos and videos. My laptop has been broken since around the beginning of my 3-year degree, so around 15 months ago I’d say, and I kinda need a laptop to do my work as I also don’t own a computer. I’ve just been borrowing Richard’s old work laptop since then but I really want my own one to be fixed as best as possible! My fitbit I’ve had for just over 3 years now and have hardly used because I wasn’t committed enough for fitness, however now I am and would love to make use of this nifty gadget. I want a computer because I just kinda do… I can’t really justify this one very well – I just love the reliability of actual PCs I guess and really miss having one, as I haven’t had my own one since around 5 years and 10 months ago. Now, we’ve had our TV for just over 3 years, and it has never had any speakers with it. The sound that you get purely from the monitor itself is absolutely awful – this is an absolute must! 
      That’s about everything for now!

      There are of course more things that I’d like to do before next Monday, but I don’t want to overwhelm myself so I’ll just keep adding new things as I get things done on this list.

      Storm

     

 

 

 

 

 

 

6

Waking Up At A Good Hour

Today I woke up at around 07:10 AM.

For most people, that’s a fairly normal time to wake up – or even a bit late!

For me though, it’s super, super close to my ideal time to wake up (07:00) and I’M SO MUCH HAPPIER TO HAVE WOKEN UP AT THIS TIME THAN TO HAVE WOKEN UP WHEN I NORMALLY WOULD!!!

It’s absolute bliss to watch the sun rise above the horizon.

It’s absolute bliss to have the low, bright, warm, morning sunshine beaming through the window onto my face.

It’s absolute bliss to wake up and see the Sainsbury’s car park out the window being absolutely empty, and slowly watch it become more and more busy as people wake up and begin their day.

It’s absolute bliss to feel NORMAL.

To not feel behind everybody else.

To feel like I have a lot of options with what to do with my time today.

GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY! 🙂

Storm

0

I’m Determined To Enjoy Autumn!

Hey guys!

So as you lot may or may not know, I hate the cold. I mean I really, really hate it. As in it’s 21 degrees today outside and I genuinely feel cold.

So, it doesn’t take much to make the jump from I hate the cold to I hate the colder seasons – including Autumn. It’s not that there aren’t things about Autumn that I like, rather that there are so many things about Autumn that I dislike.

So, this blog post is me trying to get myself to enjoy Autumn this year, basically.

My plan is to do something EVERYDAY that would be perfect for the season, to help me to enjoy it more.

So, here’s my first week!


ENJOY THE SEASON – AUTUMN

Saturday September 1st – Go for a parkland walk. This is something that is just SO Autumnal. I mean, walking along parkland walks is something fun to do in any season, but I just can’t imagine it being any more appropriate than when it’s all colourful outside.

Sunday September 2nd – Go to the local pub for drinks, board games and a meal with my partner. This is again, something great to do all year around, but I do find it a cosier thing to do in Autumn more so than any other time of the year!

Monday September 3rd – Meet my partner after work and go to Lush Oxford Street together to buy some cosy products to use in the bath. Obviously, again, baths are great year around – but they’re just the absolute BEST in Autumn – as are using Lush products in general. Summer is too hot to indulge in Lush as much, Spring is just a tad too warm too, in Winter the air is too cold to want to take baths but Autumn? Absolute perfection.

Tuesday September 4th – Cosy night in with red wine, popcorn, pies, face masks, baths, movies and cuddles! I love indulging and snuggling in Autumn!

Wednesday September 5th – Get myself down to the Poundland in Camden to pick up some well deserved Uni supplies! Obviously the best time to prepare for Uni is in Autumn before term time begins, and is something that always helps me to be excited for the year to come.

Thursday September 6th – Have a cosy night in to brush up on my Astrophysics course before the term begins. I’m sure this sounds really, really not fun for a lot of people but I promise, the best time to do this is in couple of weeks of Autumn you have before your course starts up again. It’s a time you’re able to actually be indoors and have the time to focus on brushing up on what YOU want to brush up on.

Friday September 7th – This would be a fantastic day to have some ciders and a takeaway while my partner teaches me some programming. I just really enjoy having cider in Autumn, and obviously you can’t beat having takeaways during this season! I also, as I said before, love studying during Autumn before term time begins, and my partner teaching me what he knows will help me to get ahead in my programming module before it’s even begun!


 

There you have it! How I’m going to enjoy my first week of Autumn. I hope I gave you Summer lovers some ideas on how you can help yourself to enjoy Autumn this year too 🙂

– Storm

0

UNI: YEAR 2

I have had a realisation.

If I were to walk into a mahoosive, gorgeous, packed Poundland – full of stunning stationary, my brain would tell me “No Storm, no. This isn’t the best time or moment in your life for you to purchase any of this stuff. Maybe you will need this stuff at a different stage of your life, but not now.”

But brain, you’re wrong.

When you really think about it, what better time, place, moment in my life could I possibly need stationary more than when in the midst of me studying for a degree in Astrophysics…? If I’m to one day work at an office job? No, I am CERTAIN that these days students use far more stationary than one working in an office job does in a day. Then perhaps it’s more suitable for when I was younger and in compulsory education – or in college? No. University = more difficult = more notes = more work = more studying = more stationary.

I just don’t know why my brain always seems to talk me out of treating myself to certain nice things – even when there will LITERALLY be no better time than now to do so.

This goes for a lot of things when it comes to Uni.

Like, when I went to Fresher’s Fair last year and grabbed all the leaflets and put my name down for almost everything I possibly could, only to go home and my brain to tell me “Meh, if you can’t be bothered to do this stuff now then you can just do it at another stage in your life.”

No, brain.

What better time is there for me to go to socials, join societies, join sporting clubs and go to events than during my first degree at University? After University – when I am holding down a full time job and perhaps have children to take care of? Maybe a better time was in the past and was when I was at school – before I was independent and could choose exactly what I wanted to do with my time?

No.

There literally will not be a better time to do any of those things than whilst studying on this degree.

Again, this goes for a lot of things when it comes to Uni and quite frankly, when it comes to life.

For some bizarre reason, I tend to convince myself out of making changes in my life, even when they are entirely appropriate and simple things to do – like buying a new pen.

I begin my second year at University on the 18th September, and you know what? This year is ACTUALLY going to be different! I’ll remember this realisation and will just allow myself to live my best second-year-of-my-degree life.

– Storm

0

Growing Up

Growing up… Becoming more mature… These phrases always leave me with a subtle sense of dread lingering in the back of my mind.

I’ve never liked the idea of being sensible, grown up, mature for my age or anything else. I love the idealistic image of me being young, crazy, wild, full of energy and still being the young version of myself at heart.

But, you know what? Being mature doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I think that as long as one doesn’t allow their fun, idealistic self to become too sensible and realistic, as long as one doesn’t allow their young, spirited self to die and fade away, then I think being wise and mature is a brilliant thing. It allows for an easier life – one where individuals are able to provide for their own wants and needs independently and with little-to-no mental anguish.

I wouldn’t want to be less mature than I am, that’s for certain. Any sense of maturity and wisdom I have is something I prize when it comes to sharing my ideas in conversation. It’s a part of me that helps me to be kind and open-minded, to think logically and objectively in tricky or tense situations. With any less maturity than what I already have, I think I’d be a lot less happy.

In fact, I think I’m not quite mature enough. I do despise that word though – mature. It conjures up the image of an unhappy old woman, boxed in by her own thoughts of what’s considered to be sensible, normal, conventional. And THAT’S not somebody I ever intend on being!

But… I wouldn’t mind my partner knowing that, should he feel tired after work, he can rely on me to be happy to cook a healthy, tasty, fast dinner for the both of us.

I wouldn’t mind for Richard to feel at ease with the knowledge that my financial health isn’t dependent on him working at a good job – that I can financially support myself and even him if he were ever to want a break from working.

I wouldn’t mind Richard not having to worry about keeping a close eye on my mental health, not having to help me keep myself physically healthy, and not having to make sure I’m on top of my Uni work.

I wouldn’t mind finding it easy to take out the recycling, to clean and tidy the flat, and to achieve some general chores (like making important phone calls,) all by myself.

I wouldn’t mind not having to feel guilty and stupid after saying something hurtful to someone I love, and for my partner to trust that his emotional wellbeing, happiness, dreams and freedom are 100% safe in my hands.

I wouldn’t mind being less scared of the world, and to be able to just get on with doing things by myself.

I wouldn’t mind my partner feeling that our roles are equal – that neither of us are a burden in any way, shape or form to one another, that we are both strong, healthy, happy and complete individuals.

I wouldn’t mind being able to make my ideas a reality, without having all this doubt and anxiety holding me back.

I have made it my mission to have achieved my desired level of maturity by around a years time!

I never want to be boring. I always want to be a cute, strange, quirky, unique and adventurous person who’s always unapologetically me. I just want to be a more strong, confident, skilled, fearless, dependable and reliable version of that person.

Basically, I want to be a cute princess and a badass superhero.

Becoming more mature, grown up, intelligent and wise does NOT mean you have lose anything positive that your young self possesses. It doesn’t have to mean that at all. It means retaining your youthful spirit whilst honing some of your weaker life skills, until those skills are strong and complete.

If being mature means to be cute, strong, strange, confident, skilled, quirky, fearless, unique, dependable and reliable, then it’s something I want to be.

– Storm

1

My Ideal Daily Routine

Hey guys!

I have decided that I’m going to lay out my ideal daily routine in this post, to help me visualise what sort of day I’m aiming for.


00:00 – At midnight, ideally I’d be sleeping! Some people would dread being asleep at this time but my party days are pretty much over. I’m just a lazy old hag now and there’s pretty much no use to me being up at this hour.

01:00 – Okay, so I at the very least should 100% be asleep at 1 A.M. I know that just sounds standard to most of you, but I find myself sleeping later than this time on most days… I know, it’s ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I feel like a teenager again. Again, literally no use to me doing anything BUT sleeping at this time.

02:00 – DEFINITELY SHOULD BE SLEEPING OMG. Jesus Christ Storm just bloody SLEEP ALREADY!

03:00 – SLEEP WOMAN!

04:00 – Strangely enough to some, this would be my ideal time to rise from my slumber each morning. I know, I know, it’s very early, but I have a fairly logical reason for this decision. Midday is approximately when the Sun is highest in the sky – when the day is at its brightest. Therefore, to make the most of the daylight, I’d be awake for the 8 hours before and the 8 hours after midday if I intend to get 8 hours sleep. I.e. being awake from 04:00 – 20:00 allows you far more hours of daylight than most people achieve. I’m pretty obsessed with sunlight and all that so yeah, this would work really well for me!

During this hour I would ideally drink a bottle of water (600ml), eat my breakfast, have a cup of coffee and check all my updates (messages, texts, new wordpress/instagram posts and comments etc.) I’d also get a bit of TV in so that I don’t start craving it later on in the day…

05:00 – At this hour I’d brush my teeth and go for a jog. My goal is to do 450 minutes of aerobic exercise per week – which is apparently the “sweet spot” in terms of health. To break that up into daily chunks, I’d do around 70 minutes per day – 35 minutes one way and 35 minutes coming back (rounded up to nearest 5 minutes.)

06:00 – At this hour I would get into the shower to exfoliate my face, cleanse my face and to wash my body. I’d then tone my face, moisturise my face, apply primer to my face, moisturise my body and hands, apply my body spray and get dressed into some nice, fresh, awesome clothes. I’d then proceed to tie my hair up and get my foundation, powder, brow crayon, lip balm and lip colour on. It would be SO COOL to actually be THIS ready for my day before 07:00 A.M., EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

07:00 – So I think this would be the hour for me to…Begin working? I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t really know what to do with myself after I’ve done my makeup :/ I guess yeah, this would be the time I’d begin working. Whether that be little jobs I need to do, commuting to Uni, anything.

08:00 – Again, a good hour for working I think! When I’m back at Uni I’ll probably be in the library studying at this time or doing some homework. When I’m not at Uni I’d be working achieving the activities in my to-do list.

09:00 – More studying / work!

10:00 – More studying / work!

11:00 – More studying / work!

12:00 – Lunch time! Time for me to drink a bottle and a half of water (900ml), eat my lunch and to go outdoors to get some sunlight. I also think this would be a great time to fit some enjoyment into my day – some hobbies. Perhaps I could read, upload photos to Instagram or write blog posts! Midday is my FAVOURITE time of the day, so I don’t want it to be spoilt with work or anything. I just want it to be a midpoint-of-my-day sanctuary.

13:00 – Back to work!

14:00 – More work…

15:00 – More work…

16:00 – More work…

17:00 – HOPEFULLY, if Uni is reasonable this year (which it probably won’t be as I’m studying Astrophysics and guarantee I’ll have to be out at 9pm to do telescope work on some weekdays,) then my uni day should be the usual 09:00-17:00 ordeal, in which case hopefully on MOST days I’ll be DONE WITH UNI BY THIS TIME! That makes this a good time to commute home / entertain myself with some hobbies – again, reading sounds good!

18:00 – This would be the time for me to take a bath to wash my hair, condition my hair and shave. Any extra time during this hour would be used to finish off any extra little bits I have on my to-do list.

19:00 – This would be my boyfriend hour! I live with my partner and after a long day of being busy I know that all we will want to do is hang out with each other.

20:00 – In an ideal world, this would be my bedtime. I know, I know, it’s really early. As in even my bedtime when I was 10 years old wasn’t that early. I know. It only feels early because my day would be skewed so that I’d have more hours in the early morning, so it’s not like I’d have any less time in my day whatsoever. So, this would be the hour for me to drink my final bottle of water (600ml), eat my dinner, brush my teeth, cleanse, tone and moisturise my face, put my hair up, get into some pyjamas and go to bed and sleep. I don’t think it sounds so bad! It sounds rather nice and cosy to me after such a long day!

21:00 – Again, I’d ideally be asleep at this time!

22:00 – Sleeping!

23:00 – Sleeping!


The only problem I have with this routine is that my life isn’t just, well, me. If it was then I’d be 100% cool with following this routine. But it’s not. My life is pretty intertwined with my partner’s, and I HIGHLY DOUBT he’d be willing to wake up at 04:00 everyday, let alone go to sleep at 20:00 every evening! This means that this routine would cut out almost all of the time we have to spend together, leaving only maybe an hour or two for us to hang out. I understand it’s totally fine to have a partner, to live your life separate to them and to still have a healthy and happy relationship. It just personally would make me happy to have more time with him during the day.

I think 5 hours for me with him sounds good – not just doing nothing but hanging out for all those hours, but even just having our morning routine together is time together. If he would get up at 04:00 with me, we could have from 04:00 – 07:00 together for sure, as well as from 18:00 – 20:00 together in the evenings. Ah well. Maybe I could convince him?

Either way, it would be SUCH A GOOD ROUTINE FOR ME! I love midday and the daylight, and by making that time the centre of my day I’m able to make the most of it.

Anyways, that’s all from me for now. Just a rambly Storm post.

What do you think of this routine? What would your ideal daily routine look like?

– Storm