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After Day 2 Of Working On Me

Hey guys!

Yesterday I did 10 things that I feel kept me moving forward in terms of self development.

Again, please don’t judge me guys! I know that for some of you, some of these things are super basic but please understand that for some people, like me, these things are BIG achievements and are steps toward us becoming us at our best.

 

 


 

1.) Again, I weighed myself first thing in the morning. This is a step toward staying disciplined and having some sort of a routine, and is also a step toward caring about my health.

2.) I thoroughly washed our my kitten Kepler’s food bowl and gave him a nice meal, and also gave him lots of dry food and his cat treats. This was a step toward being more compassionate and putting others before myself (this was the second thing I did in my day) which can be really hard to do when you’re so absorbed in your own bad mental health.

3.) I drank one of my 600ml bottles of water! Sticking to this routine is another step toward improving my self-discipline and having any sort of routine is very healthy for us fours.

4.) I had a mahoosive, delicious plate of heated up leftover spaghetti bolognese for breakfast. Now I know that for some of you, you’ll be like, how is that an achievement though? Isn’t that a BAD thing? Again, for people with crap mental health, just HAVING breakfast routinely is an achievement – let alone a nutritious, tasty breakfast that they heated up and ate hot.

5.) I cut my fringe! I’m super excited and happy about this one. All throughout the day I found myself getting very, very angry at constantly having hair in my face, so I thought “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!” I pulled all my hair back into a nice high ponytail to be sure that I wouldn’t cut any of my long hair that I’m trying to grow, and then I sort of put my hand on my hair and pushed forward toward my face, to get all of that irritating loose hair in my face so I could clearly see what I was dealing with. Once I thoroughly did that, I put any longer hair that I wanted to grow out of the way and behind my ears, and then separated the section which I knew I actually wanted to be part of my fringe. I got myself a good mirror and just started cutting away. I just cut it until it was pretty short honestly, but still sort of long… I can’t explain but you’ll be able to see in the picture. I’m SO happy about this!

6.) I got myself ready to go out and went into Uni. A super big deal for me, this one was really difficult!

7.) At Uni I went to a wearable electronics optional workshop, wear I made a little circuit with 3 LED’s that respond to vibration! My idea was to put the circuit in some sort of chunky bracelet or wristband, and that the LED’s would light up in response to a musician moving their wrist to play an instrument. Although I was really rushed to make the circuit, I’m proud that I made it. It was originally to have 5 LED’s but I just didn’t have the time to solder the last 2 on, and also didn’t have time to actually program the circuit to light up in any sort of sequence so it doesn’t really work as it is, but it does work, if that makes sense?

8.) I drank another bottle of water! Yay for health! Yay for routine! Yay for self-discipline!

9.) I plucked my brows. Another thing I’m really chuffed about. It had been a while since I had last plucked my brows and they are so much prettier now!

10.) I drank another bottle of water! So same as yesterday, I had 3 bottles altogether making 1.8 litres. I’m so glad that I’ve been able to keep up this little routine so far because it is really difficult for me.


 

That’s it for yesterday! I know for some of you it will be hard to see but I have achieved a lot in the past two days. I went from someone that felt disgusting, fed up of life, extremely depressed, having low self-worth and low self-esteem to someone that actually feels pretty, and feels like they deserve to be pretty and look decent enough to go out into the world, and deserve to have their health cared for… I feel much less depressed already although I still have a super long way to go to climb up the levels of self-development that four’s on the Enneagram have.

Tomorrow I will update you all on what I achieved today. I don’t expect much though because it is already 13:11 and I haven’t done anything yet! I will do my best though 🙂

Storm

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Blossoming As A Type 4.

Hey guys!

So, I recently discovered that using Enneagram typology, I am a 4w5. I’ve already learnt a lot about this type and after learning about the different levels of healthiness of my Enneagram type, I decided to write a blog post on blossoming as a type 4 as soon as I could.

I believe I’m at level 7 on the four’s levels of development scale.

I think if I were on any level below a 7, I would basically feel much worse than I do now (although I do resonate a lot with level 8 too). In fact, I definitely feel everything written that a level 8 feels, apart from I don’t feel that I am closed off to receiving help – which I think is the biggest distinction between a level 7 and a level 8 in my opinion. In fact, I absolutely love being helped and actively ask for help often, and although sometimes it is difficult to receive it, I’m always happy and grateful once I have. Definitely not a level 9 at the moment though – I think that level is reserved for the lowest of the low points I experience in my life (such as during my foundation year at my first University…) Although, I definitely do experience the odd emotional breakdown every now and then!

I think if I were on any level above a 7, I’d definitely be a lot more expressive than I am now, although I do relate a LOT with level 5, and I think a level 5 is basically me on a good day!

A level 7 resonates with me most because it is a state where chaos leads to one disallowing themselves from basically doing anything that they enjoy, leads to anger toward oneself, leads to depression and isolation… It’s just basically a sort of reactionary state to being in a bad situation.

My bad situation? Well, I’m just not doing great at Uni and am just generally really not very happy with my life and how it’s going at all. It could be worse, but it certainly could be quite a bit better.

So, I want to blossom.

What is it to blossom?

Apparently, according to the Google search result for “define blossom”, it means to “mature or develop in a promising or healthy way.” Synonyms are develop, grow, mature, progress, evolve, burst forth, come to fruition, flourish, thrive, get on well, prosper, succeed, be successful, make headway, bloom, burgeon and go great guns… Antonyms are fade and fail.

Basically, I’m pretty bored and fed up of being a level 7. I mean, it’s okay, but there is a lot more out there for me to experience and I know that’s the person I want to be.

I know I probably seem to be taking the Enneagram too literally, or seem obsessive, or maybe it seems like I’m just using this as another procrastination tactic.

It isn’t that I’m taking the Enneagram literally, rather that it has made me feel quite validated and I definitely resonate with this typology system better than the MBTI (it took 4 tests before I got the same result twice for MBTI, and only 2 for Enneagram).

I’m not obsessive about the Enneagram itself – rather about the prospect of being happy, healthy and successful.

I’m not using this to procrastinate, this is something I need to do so that I will find being productive easier and feel less need to procrastinate altogether.

So, I’m really excited about this. I’m excited about working on me. I work on me a lot to be fair, but in a much less direct way than I intend to now do. This should be priority – type 4’s who are on the extreme end of level 9 are LIKELY to commit suicide! I mean, what’s more important than preventing that? I need to climb this development ladder and FAST.

I’m scared of shifting my focus – scared that my future will somehow fall apart, scared that it will lead to me being unproductive, scared that it won’t work, scared that it will be a waste of time, scared that it is the wrong decision, scared that this will just lead me into an even deeper depression, scared that it might go right and I might actually end up being happy through doing this… That’s the scariest thought of all! It means letting go of who I am, who I have been, and allowing myself to live the life I’ve always wanted. That’s scary when you feel like you’re not good enough to live that life.

So, to start my blossoming, I’m going to get myself some routine going. I’ve heard nothing but good things about fours having a good routine to get them stuck into the reality of daily life. I’m not going to go nuts with a routine, but I’ll just give myself the structure that I think I actually need to be happiest.

I also really need to stay on top of my studies. I NEED to stay grounded in the reality that I’ve created for myself, but without TRAPPING myself! I need to be studying, hard, and doing the work I set for myself and meeting those expectations every single day. I need to be kind to myself and give myself realistic expectations and allow myself time to just be free, but sticking to those expectations is essential to me being happy and loving myself.

I need to begin taking care of myself and making me feel good about myself. I need to take my long Lush baths, do my hair and makeup, use my perfumes, take care in what clothes and jewellery I wear, taking photos of myself and being proud of who I am and of how I represent myself with how I look.

I NEED TO BE FEARLESS AND MAKE TIME TO DO THE THINGS THAT I ENJOY! I need to allow myself to READ my books, to write my blog posts, to edit my photos, to paint my pictures, to learn my instruments, to sing my songs, TO CREATE. I NEED TO MAKE TIME EVERYDAY TO BE CREATIVE! How else am I going to express myself? I NEED THIS. I think this will absolutely bring me the most joy in my life. I need this so, so much.

I’m going to leave it there, because I think that amount of focus is the right amount to allow me to thrive.

This is, of course, before the fact – so I will do my best to update ya’ll on my progress at a later time to say how it’s all going.

Thanks for reading,

Storm

 

 

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Depression Tip #4

Depression Tip #4:

If you’re not on any medication for your depression, you should be taking supplements! I personally decided to not opt for medication when my doctor offered – SSRIs just really don’t agree with me at all. Instead, after a lot of research, I decided to begin taking Tryptophan supplements. Tryptophan is a natural amino acid that your brain needs to produce serotonin – an important brain chemical that helps regulate mood, sleeping patterns, focus, appetite, energy levels etc. The purpose of prescribed SSRI medication is to increase the levels of serotonin in your brain – taking Tryptophan supplements effectively do the same thing!

You should always consult with your doctor before taking any supplements – particularly if you are already on medication. Do NOT take Tryptophan if you are already on prescribed medication related to your mental health – too much serotonin in your system can do a lot more harm than good! 

There are other healthy ways to self-medicate from home – such as taking vitamin D supplements, taking vitamin B complex supplements, using a SAD light or using SAD alarm clock.

Taking supplements really helps me. Just knowing that you’re actively doing something to help yourself feel better feels really good!

– Storm