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Blossoming As A Type 4.

Hey guys!

So, I recently discovered that using Enneagram typology, I am a 4w5. I’ve already learnt a lot about this type and after learning about the different levels of healthiness of my Enneagram type, I decided to write a blog post on blossoming as a type 4 as soon as I could.

I believe I’m at level 7 on the four’s levels of development scale.

I think if I were on any level below a 7, I would basically feel much worse than I do now (although I do resonate a lot with level 8 too). In fact, I definitely feel everything written that a level 8 feels, apart from I don’t feel that I am closed off to receiving help – which I think is the biggest distinction between a level 7 and a level 8 in my opinion. In fact, I absolutely love being helped and actively ask for help often, and although sometimes it is difficult to receive it, I’m always happy and grateful once I have. Definitely not a level 9 at the moment though – I think that level is reserved for the lowest of the low points I experience in my life (such as during my foundation year at my first University…) Although, I definitely do experience the odd emotional breakdown every now and then!

I think if I were on any level above a 7, I’d definitely be a lot more expressive than I am now, although I do relate a LOT with level 5, and I think a level 5 is basically me on a good day!

A level 7 resonates with me most because it is a state where chaos leads to one disallowing themselves from basically doing anything that they enjoy, leads to anger toward oneself, leads to depression and isolation… It’s just basically a sort of reactionary state to being in a bad situation.

My bad situation? Well, I’m just not doing great at Uni and am just generally really not very happy with my life and how it’s going at all. It could be worse, but it certainly could be quite a bit better.

So, I want to blossom.

What is it to blossom?

Apparently, according to the Google search result for “define blossom”, it means to “mature or develop in a promising or healthy way.” Synonyms are develop, grow, mature, progress, evolve, burst forth, come to fruition, flourish, thrive, get on well, prosper, succeed, be successful, make headway, bloom, burgeon and go great guns… Antonyms are fade and fail.

Basically, I’m pretty bored and fed up of being a level 7. I mean, it’s okay, but there is a lot more out there for me to experience and I know that’s the person I want to be.

I know I probably seem to be taking the Enneagram too literally, or seem obsessive, or maybe it seems like I’m just using this as another procrastination tactic.

It isn’t that I’m taking the Enneagram literally, rather that it has made me feel quite validated and I definitely resonate with this typology system better than the MBTI (it took 4 tests before I got the same result twice for MBTI, and only 2 for Enneagram).

I’m not obsessive about the Enneagram itself – rather about the prospect of being happy, healthy and successful.

I’m not using this to procrastinate, this is something I need to do so that I will find being productive easier and feel less need to procrastinate altogether.

So, I’m really excited about this. I’m excited about working on me. I work on me a lot to be fair, but in a much less direct way than I intend to now do. This should be priority – type 4’s who are on the extreme end of level 9 are LIKELY to commit suicide! I mean, what’s more important than preventing that? I need to climb this development ladder and FAST.

I’m scared of shifting my focus – scared that my future will somehow fall apart, scared that it will lead to me being unproductive, scared that it won’t work, scared that it will be a waste of time, scared that it is the wrong decision, scared that this will just lead me into an even deeper depression, scared that it might go right and I might actually end up being happy through doing this… That’s the scariest thought of all! It means letting go of who I am, who I have been, and allowing myself to live the life I’ve always wanted. That’s scary when you feel like you’re not good enough to live that life.

So, to start my blossoming, I’m going to get myself some routine going. I’ve heard nothing but good things about fours having a good routine to get them stuck into the reality of daily life. I’m not going to go nuts with a routine, but I’ll just give myself the structure that I think I actually need to be happiest.

I also really need to stay on top of my studies. I NEED to stay grounded in the reality that I’ve created for myself, but without TRAPPING myself! I need to be studying, hard, and doing the work I set for myself and meeting those expectations every single day. I need to be kind to myself and give myself realistic expectations and allow myself time to just be free, but sticking to those expectations is essential to me being happy and loving myself.

I need to begin taking care of myself and making me feel good about myself. I need to take my long Lush baths, do my hair and makeup, use my perfumes, take care in what clothes and jewellery I wear, taking photos of myself and being proud of who I am and of how I represent myself with how I look.

I NEED TO BE FEARLESS AND MAKE TIME TO DO THE THINGS THAT I ENJOY! I need to allow myself to READ my books, to write my blog posts, to edit my photos, to paint my pictures, to learn my instruments, to sing my songs, TO CREATE. I NEED TO MAKE TIME EVERYDAY TO BE CREATIVE! How else am I going to express myself? I NEED THIS. I think this will absolutely bring me the most joy in my life. I need this so, so much.

I’m going to leave it there, because I think that amount of focus is the right amount to allow me to thrive.

This is, of course, before the fact – so I will do my best to update ya’ll on my progress at a later time to say how it’s all going.

Thanks for reading,

Storm

 

 

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Waking Up At A Good Hour

Today I woke up at around 07:10 AM.

For most people, that’s a fairly normal time to wake up – or even a bit late!

For me though, it’s super, super close to my ideal time to wake up (07:00) and I’M SO MUCH HAPPIER TO HAVE WOKEN UP AT THIS TIME THAN TO HAVE WOKEN UP WHEN I NORMALLY WOULD!!!

It’s absolute bliss to watch the sun rise above the horizon.

It’s absolute bliss to have the low, bright, warm, morning sunshine beaming through the window onto my face.

It’s absolute bliss to wake up and see the Sainsbury’s car park out the window being absolutely empty, and slowly watch it become more and more busy as people wake up and begin their day.

It’s absolute bliss to feel NORMAL.

To not feel behind everybody else.

To feel like I have a lot of options with what to do with my time today.

GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY! 🙂

Storm

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UNI: YEAR 2

I have had a realisation.

If I were to walk into a mahoosive, gorgeous, packed Poundland – full of stunning stationary, my brain would tell me “No Storm, no. This isn’t the best time or moment in your life for you to purchase any of this stuff. Maybe you will need this stuff at a different stage of your life, but not now.”

But brain, you’re wrong.

When you really think about it, what better time, place, moment in my life could I possibly need stationary more than when in the midst of me studying for a degree in Astrophysics…? If I’m to one day work at an office job? No, I am CERTAIN that these days students use far more stationary than one working in an office job does in a day. Then perhaps it’s more suitable for when I was younger and in compulsory education – or in college? No. University = more difficult = more notes = more work = more studying = more stationary.

I just don’t know why my brain always seems to talk me out of treating myself to certain nice things – even when there will LITERALLY be no better time than now to do so.

This goes for a lot of things when it comes to Uni.

Like, when I went to Fresher’s Fair last year and grabbed all the leaflets and put my name down for almost everything I possibly could, only to go home and my brain to tell me “Meh, if you can’t be bothered to do this stuff now then you can just do it at another stage in your life.”

No, brain.

What better time is there for me to go to socials, join societies, join sporting clubs and go to events than during my first degree at University? After University – when I am holding down a full time job and perhaps have children to take care of? Maybe a better time was in the past and was when I was at school – before I was independent and could choose exactly what I wanted to do with my time?

No.

There literally will not be a better time to do any of those things than whilst studying on this degree.

Again, this goes for a lot of things when it comes to Uni and quite frankly, when it comes to life.

For some bizarre reason, I tend to convince myself out of making changes in my life, even when they are entirely appropriate and simple things to do – like buying a new pen.

I begin my second year at University on the 18th September, and you know what? This year is ACTUALLY going to be different! I’ll remember this realisation and will just allow myself to live my best second-year-of-my-degree life.

– Storm

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Taking Minimalism Too Far.

Hey guys!

I’ve never been a minimalist, although it is a concept I am interested in. Something that really holds me back from really delving into the world of minimalism is the question “When is the point that minimalism has been taken too far?” “When is minimalism no longer a positive thing and instead has a negative impact on an individual?” “Where and when do you draw the line?”

I think before I really begin being more brutal with my belongings, it’s important for me to think about these questions. I believe that too much of anything is, well, too much. I see everything as a wave – more of something is often better and eventually, you reach the peak of that wave. After the peak, more of said thing only brings more and more negativity. Not to say that this theory is true, but it is how my scientific mind thinks!

So with minimalism, it is important for me to recognise once I am heading past the peak of my… Minimalism wave of happiness?

I think minimalism will begin to be something that brings more negativity than positivity to me with time once I begin getting rid of things that I literally would repurchase. That would just be wasting money, which is wasting opportunity and freedom, which is silly.

I also think minimalism will begin to become something more negative to me than positive when I begin getting rid of things that I have actually put effort into purchasing – things that really do enhance my life and that push me up to a better position than I’d otherwise be in. For example, getting rid of clothes I’ve put a lot of thought into purchasing – clothes that make me feel really confident when I wear them and clothes that I love, would make no sense at all. Doing that would just bring me down to a position of less opportunity to feel confident than beforehand.

I would also be super hesitant about getting rid of any of my Lush products. Although it doesn’t make sense to some people, and although my Lush products do bring me some stress and anxiety, they also bring me a lot of joy. I think not having all of these beautiful products to pamper myself with and then to review would bring me some sadness. They are all my gifts to myself, and help me to feel like I do deserve to be pampered and to spend my money in a way that brings me joy.

Other things I’m super hesitant to get rid of are things I have very strong emotional attachments to. I’ll be the first to admit that this is the area where I hoard the most, and I could definitely stand to get rid of a lot of these items. It’s just some items – like toys from my mother’s childhood that she’s passed down to me, or cinema tickets to films I saw with my partner years ago, that I’d not feel great to part with. I understand that memories will always be memories and that a solid object isn’t required to hold onto good memories. Some things just feel too precious to simply get rid of! It makes me feel so happy when I find those little nik-naks!

There’s also my books that I love, my old school certificates and grades and work… Admittedly, I think getting rid of a lot of things would make me feel pretty down – because most of my belongings do genuinely bring me joy! I don’t think there’s any shame in your possessions bringing you genuine joy. As long as you get rid of the things that you WOULDN’T feel sad to get rid of, the things that would actually bring you more POSITIVITY and FREEDOM to get rid of, then that’s all that matters!

– Storm

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Depression Tip #4

Depression Tip #4:

If you’re not on any medication for your depression, you should be taking supplements! I personally decided to not opt for medication when my doctor offered – SSRIs just really don’t agree with me at all. Instead, after a lot of research, I decided to begin taking Tryptophan supplements. Tryptophan is a natural amino acid that your brain needs to produce serotonin – an important brain chemical that helps regulate mood, sleeping patterns, focus, appetite, energy levels etc. The purpose of prescribed SSRI medication is to increase the levels of serotonin in your brain – taking Tryptophan supplements effectively do the same thing!

You should always consult with your doctor before taking any supplements – particularly if you are already on medication. Do NOT take Tryptophan if you are already on prescribed medication related to your mental health – too much serotonin in your system can do a lot more harm than good! 

There are other healthy ways to self-medicate from home – such as taking vitamin D supplements, taking vitamin B complex supplements, using a SAD light or using SAD alarm clock.

Taking supplements really helps me. Just knowing that you’re actively doing something to help yourself feel better feels really good!

– Storm

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Depression Tip #3

Depression Tip #3:

Take a really thorough, long, hot shower. Bathing is something that can become very difficult for those of us with depression – but being unclean just makes us feel even worse! If you’re feeling down and haven’t showered in a while, or even if you have showered recently, almost nothing serves as a better pick-me-up than being clean (at least for me.)

Take the time to give your hair a really good wash and condition. Thoroughly wash your body. Exfoliate and cleanse that beautiful face of yours. When we’re clean, everything feels a bit simpler and easier.

Follow by drying yourself off thoroughly, applying anti-antiperspirant (if you’re like me and anxiety makes you perspire like crazy,) and putting on a clean, warm set of clothes. I personally love to leave a set of clean pyjamas, underwear and socks on the radiator while I shower, so they’re super cosy when it’s time for me to put them on!

– Storm

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Depression Tip #2

Depression Tip No #2:

Keep your hair brushed! Again, this is going to seem like something really simple, but it can become a big problem for those suffering from depression. There was even an episode on ‘The Doctors’ very recently about a depressed teenage girl who’s hair had become extremely matted after being bed-bound for months. It took a hairdresser hours to untangle her hair and to provide the lady with a fancy new hairstyle.

Quickly brushing your hair will keep it untangled, neat and will make it easier to keep your hair out of your face. It always feels good to have newly brushed hair, and is something very quick that we can do to help make us feel more human, cared for, comfortable, beautiful and happy.

When I’m feeling very depressed, I know that every tiny little task adds up to create an impossibly huge amount of things I feel responsible to do in a single day. Brushing your hair will easily take one of those tasks away from that daunting pile, and will help to make you feel a bit more confident about tackling something else.

– Storm