137 Days Of Summer…

It’s over.

My initial year to get onto an Astrophysics ended yesterday.

If I did well enough in my exams that I took earlier this week, my Astrophysics degree starts on 29th September, according to the University site. The 29th September is a Friday – so I can only imagine that this being the starting date of the course means that this is an induction day of some sort – or that the course ACTUALLY begins on the 2nd October, but they want to make sure all the students are at the University and are ready in time. I’m guessing the former.

That’s 137 days of Summer.

Counting today as the first day, and Thursday 28th September as the last day, I literally have 137 full days of Summer.

I haven’t arranged or scheduled to do anything this Summer – a job or a holiday booked. Not saying I won’t do those things. Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t.

Anyone who has ever been a student knows that it can be difficult to prioritise anything else in their lives while their course is running. I moved into my new flat last September, and haven’t even had the time to redecorate, or to go through our packing boxes and unpack our things. I haven’t even signed up with the local dentist or doctors yet!

Because of this, I wanted to leave my Summer open. For it to be a period of time where upon asking myself the question “Do I have the time to do X activity…?,” The answer will ALWAYS be YES, rather than the other way around! Finally, I have the time to invest in all the activities I have neglected over the past 8 months. That includes important things  like getting a job too! I intended to get myself  job in September last year, but haven’t been able to find the time to even write a damn CV!

Finally, I’m free.

Free to do whatever the hell I want.

I’ve never had a Summer this long in 5 years…



Where am I from… And where do I belong?

Do you ever realize that… How can I put this into words…

Do you ever feel like you need to ESCAPE from something that is an integral part of your life, but realize that there may never be a time or a place where you can do this…? Where ANYONE can do this…?

Do you ever feel like you are just absolutely desperate to find something – you’re not quite sure what it is, but you feel like at some point in your life, you will find this place. This place where you feel perfectly at home, perfectly comfortable. And then you realize that that time, that place, might simply not exist…?

This is a post about that very feeling.

I don’t belong on this planet. Heck, I could very well not belong in this universe. My home is not a place that I know to exist – it only exists in my heart, my soul, my mind, my feelings. The place I come from, the place I belong, my home… Here is a description of my home universe, my home planet, my home continent, home country, hometown, the very point that I feel is “home”.

My home has no politics. No leaders, no different classes, no ways to rank one human’s importance in the world from another’s. My home has no one in control. No one controls anyone, but themselves. Nothing feels like a chore – everything that we do is a pleasure, because we don’t force ourselves or others to do anything that they do not want to do. Everyone has entire freedom over their life. Where I am from, life is eternal. We choose the life that we have, and we live it however we would like to.

The climate is beautiful and perfect, at all times. My home is never cold, never uncomfortably warm. The heat feels refreshing, comforting and happy – not in any way smothering. My home has no clouds, no fog, no snow. It doesn’t rain often but when it does, the rain is light, relaxing, pure. There is no artificial noise pollution, artificial light pollution or any toxic pollution of any kind where I’m from. 

The landscape is absolutely gorgeous. Incredibly beautiful sunsets and sunrises, mountains, hills, oceans, fields, beaches, forests… Absolutely stunning. The world where I’m from is EXTREMELY visual. Colours are so bright, everything looks so beautiful. All of the incredibly things to see in the world are completely organic, natural and healthy. Every individual appreciates the incredible beauty of these sights for what they truly are. No one lives indoors where I’m from. We live outside with the rest of nature, where we belong. Days are so, so, so long – nights are only a quarter of the length of daytime. The night sky is beautifully clear. All objects in space are easy and clear to see in amazing detail. Distance is never an issue – we simply need to close our eyes and think of the place we want to be, and we’ll be there. We don’t have to travel this way, but the option is there if we want to.

No one is cruel or unkind in my home. There is no violence, no danger, no hurt. There’s no anger in my home. No sadness, no guilt, no accidents, no mistakes. No distractions. No discomfort. No ailments. No pain, no physical issues. No one gets drained, exhausted, or has low energy.

My home has no system. No “way” that people are SUPPOSED to be living. There is no “normal”, no “average”. There is no routine, no goals, no planning for the future. Where I come from, work and money isn’t something that exists. There are no expectations from anyone. No one tries to compete to be better than everyone or anyone else.

Communication through the written word or through speech isn’t even expected or required. In my home, we communicate through glances, through knowing the person using our mind, through feelings and intuition, through emotion, through wisdom and intelligence. We can even understand and communicate just as easily with all forms of life.

Where I’m from, everything is purely and simply what it is. Nature never harms you and only heals your soul. All species actually love, respect and appreciate each other for what they uniquely are. Every single individual is loved, unconditionally. Every life is seen as precious and perfect by every single life form. No one fears bugs, sharks or any animal or plant where I am from. We are all connected to one another, and know that we have nothing to fear around nature. Everyone truly is unique there. No one copies ideas from one another because their own ideas are so valuable themselves. All life including humanoids, animals, bugs and plants are understood as having just as much value as one another. None are more dominant where I am from, and we are all valued just as equally.

Everyone is just so… Happy… True… Kind… Pure.

I know this place doesn’t exist. Or should I said, I know that LOGICALLY, this place doesn’t exist. I may never feel at home on this planet. I may never feel understood, as though I fit in, or truly content. And yet, although I know that logically this place cannot exist, my heart says otherwise. It almost feels like I’m constantly being called to and pulled toward this place. This place where I can finally feel at peace, as though a massive weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Where I can finally feel deeply happy, free and without fear or judgement.

Even if this place cannot and doesn’t realistically exist, perhaps there is a place on this planet where I can feel MORE at home than I do where I am right now. It truly doesn’t have to be perfect. I can accept that many, many humans are douchebags, but surely there are people who are more like minded to me somewhere… A less artificial, more natural place than blooming London! I feel so trapped 😦

At least to live somewhere that is comfortably warm would be a very, very good start! A lot of people don’t care too much about the sort of temperatures their hometown has but wow, to me personally? I think that if I’m not taking anyone else into account (such as being close to family etc,) then the single most important aspect of feeling at “home” is probably how comfortable I am with the temperature!

When it is cold, I don’t even want to go outside. I hate being indoors all the time, but to me it is preferable than facing the cold the majority of the time… When it is cold it is also dark and dingy. I absolutely hate it – it is just miserable. I always get really unwell both physically and mentally in the wintertime too. When its too hot, I also don’t feel like doing anything and I feel incredibly uncomfortable and stressed out. But even THEN, that is a far more preferable scenario to it being cold! When it is just warm and lovely outside though, with the sun shining… 🙂 It is so blissful, it makes me so, so, so happy and feel so FREE. FREE to do what I want to do without being uncomfortable. Free to run around and explore outside, to engage in fun activities. I just love it! It makes me feel ALIVE!

I’m going to work on trying to find some places with the sorts of temperatures that I like 🙂

– Storm