RANT: When your “friends” aren’t your friends.

Facebook.

Good ol’ Facebook…

Socializing today means to Like someone’s post. It means to Comment on someone’s profile picture.

Despite how shallow these ways of interacting seemed to me, I always thought that the people on my Friends List, EVERY single one of them, genuinely gave a crap about me.

Despite the fact that they’d seem to always be too busy with work to meet up, and then seeing them posting photos up of them and their other friends 2 days later. Despite the fact that it would always be me who would be the one asking when we could next hang out. Despite ALL of this, I cared about these people. I’m not fake enough to call people my friends, who in actual fact, mean nothing to me.

I don’t know if there is something… odd… about me, but I tend to trust people, be willing to make time to hang with people etc pretty quickly in a friendship. Like, straight off the bat. I never felt like anyone had to earn the luxury of me treating them nicely.

There are lots of posts going around Facebook saying something along the lines of “To my old friends. I know we don’t talk much but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. People grow up and get busy with their lives but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to hang out soon.” etc etc. THESE POSTS ARE BULLSHIT. The majority of these so called “old friends” – when it comes to actually calling their bluff and asking when they’re next free to hang out…? They’ll just blow you off. Their life is too busy for you. Unless that’s just me…

I used to have some friends who I were INSANELY close to. Like, we would do absolutely everything together… We were very close. What we had meant to each other would soon become meaningless though. When I was a teenager, I moved abroad with my family. A couple of years later I had the opportunity to visit my old country again, as a birthday gift from my parents.

All I wanted was to see my old friends SO MUCH. Unfortunately, when it came to asking if they’d like to meet up, they just blew me off. Yep, it took 2 years for the best friends I ever had to think nothing of me anymore. We had communicated during those 2 years, we only hadn’t met up. 2 years is all it took for me to literally mean nothing to them anymore.

Did I somehow become untrustworthy to them…? Did I suddenly do something that changed their entire opinion of me…? Apparently, all you have to do is move abroad to make your closest, truest friends stop giving a damn.

It is a sad fact that I don’t really mean anything to any one of my past friends (except for the one that is now my partner.) I didn’t mean enough for them to not find it uncomfortable to respond to my messages. I didn’t mean enough for them to be perfectly happy to come and just go shopping with me or something. I didn’t mean enough for them to even wish me Happy Birthday unless I decided to show my date of birth on my Facebook. I didn’t mean enough to them for them to want to invite me out anywhere, to be invited to birthday parties, anything at all.

It has been around 14-15 months since anyone has asked me to meet up with them. I have finally realized that according to these friends, that now means that (as unfortunate as it is,) I mean nothing to them anymore.

It’s fine though.

I have never understood these extremely conditional types of friendships and after seeing how cold ex-friends can be on Facebook, I grew tired of the drama and deactivated my account. Yep, I’m living life Facebook, Messenger and Whatsapp free.

Honestly, friendships are absolutely exhausting for me to have. They’re far too conditional and from my experience, are also usually quite selfish. People will be your friend so long as it serves them but as soon as they grow bored of you and find some new, exciting people to hang out with? It doesn’t matter how much you genuinely cared about these people – when they don’t care about you being in their life anymore then that will be that.

People can be extremely cold. I am grateful for having my partner though. It’s nice to have a genuine, real connection that won’t just die all of a sudden. I can trust that what we have won’t change.

Maybe it’s better for me to just live in the moment  – talk to new people but not take those friendships too seriously so that if they decide to stop giving a crap, it won’t hurt. That’s just the type of world we seem to live in now. A world where shallow relationships with other human beings is the norm. For now though, I’m just happy with the one true friend I have 🙂

Time to live my life and move on!

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