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Terrorised by my mind.

General Anxiety Disorder

General, adjective: not specific or definite.

Anxiety, noun: a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder.

Disorder, noun: a disturbance in physical or mental health or functions; malady or dysfunction.


That’s it. Summarised neatly in the definitions of three words.

Anyone could have found those definitions, though. Displaying them on a page for viewers to read doesn’t prove anything – and what is there to prove? That I have a disturbance of the mind that causes non specific tension..?

General anxiety disorder – something almost taboo to speak of when relating to oneself personally. Because it is a disorder that is shamed? No. Because it being so widespread and voiced online, particulary through bloggers and YouTubers, makes it a dysfunction that seems almost… petty. Fake.

“I suffer from anxiety disorder.” – a statement that causes an instant reaction in the mind of anyone listening… “Jesus Christ… the billionth so called victim of this apparently debilitating disease…”.

It isn’t that anyone disbelieves that GAD is a true illness. They just don’t believe that everyone who claims to have it sincerely suffers to a debilitating extent. Even I sometimes doubt it – it seems so widespread but surely if all those people were to have it, they’d not be able to function at work, at Uni – they’d not be able to be the social butterflies that they are.

No one needs to prove or justify that they have a mental disorder. If they think that they have one, then that should be that. How would everyone know the extent of how much the disorder affects that individuals personal life and besides that, why does it even matter? What does it matter the extent that someone’s disorder hinders them from living a normal life?

I am still hindered by this… “mental disorder”…. I don’t even know that it is a disorder, really. Perhaps some individuals just respond differently at different times in their life. Perhaps some people are more susceptible to fear. Perhaps it is more a personality trait – one that surely is difficult to cope with, but does that make it a disease of the mind? How does one even define a mental disorder? The mind working different from “normal”. No one is normal, everyone is normal. I don’t know.

I don’t remember a time that I didn’t feel this fear. It dies down and it grows, like a flame does. Right now, I have it alright. Sure – I still find it difficult to cope with being in the flat alone… It just feels like… everyone is trying to get in? Does that even make sense? It’s the most uncomfortable feeling. You feel like your “safe place” is under attack by invaders, yet at the same time, know that you are being irrational. You know the chances of anyone even knocking on your door is slim and even if they were to – that it would almost certainly just be to discuss something simple or to pass on some mail or something.

Knowing that doesn’t help in the slightest.

Afraid to hide in the comfort of your headphones in case someone does knock on your door about something crucial. Afraid to not hide away in case someone does knock or call and intrude on your safety.

What are you even afraid of?

Do you hear that?

Panic.

The sound of voices talking outside your door.

Panic.

What do they want? Please don’t knock on  my door to speak to me… please don’t… please… go away…

Panic.

I’m not safe until they leave. When will they leave…

Wait…

Do you feel that?

I feel a presence.

I can FEEL that I am being watched…

Do you see that…?

Nothing. You are ALONE and nobody is watching you. The feeling doesn’t subside.

… My anxiety right now feels like I am constantly being attacked, from all angles, by intruders. It is only a feeling I have when at home or when I’ve just finished a long day at college now. But there is always an underlying feeling of tension. You know when someone makes you jump? Your whole body tenses up, you are in a hyper-alert mode. Every soft sound that occurs sounds more like a crashing disturbance in the harmony of silence that you welcome. GAD is like that. To a much lesser extent for the majority of the time, but still, it is like that. I can feel that my shoulders are tensed and raised and rigid and burning with a continuous ache far more than they should be. But no matter what I do, I can’t make them relax. It’s just how they are. It’s just how I am, how I’ve always been.

It’s far better than it has been in the past. I feel much safer now that I am living with my partner. I failed the first year of my course at University due to it.

My anxiety that year was the year that it has caused me far more troubles than ever before. It started growing slowly. At first it was just a feeling of… loneliness… isolation. The feelings everyone has during their first few days of moving into dorms. As I started to meet new people, my anxiety only grew. These people aren’t like me… I don’t find them that interesting… they can tell I am different… I felt out of place. Again – a feeling that a lot of students feel during their first year of Uni.

This grew quickly and within one week I was at the point where I was too afraid to even cook in the shared kitchen. Whether I KNEW there were people in there or not, I didn’t want to find out.

I’ve never really been afraid of people on a whole. I used to be very shy when I was younger, but now and even during Uni, I would comfortably speak to people when I felt ready to crawl out of my den. Sure, they probably found my responses to their questions to be a little unusual, but I’d speak slowly and with confidence. It was just… a fear of… being seen? A fear of having my privacy attacked? A fear of being different… I don’t know.

I didn’t make any close friends during my first year at Uni. I guess I’m not very good at the whole friends thing. I joined one society – Star Trek Society. That was alright for a bit. I didn’t attend my lectures. I hardly left my room.

Anxiety ruined that year of my life. I did have some great experiences, like, on 3 days of the year, perhaps. Every other day was a blur of me being trapped in my room. I clearly remember waking up in the morning to my alarm, and… being paralyzed. I searched it up later – I think it was a mixture of analysis paralysis and panic attacks. Either way. I would just… be staring, straight up to my ceiling, still. I felt I was going insane. My mind would race. It’s like all of my thoughts were merged and executed at exactly the same moment. What should I do? Do I get up now? Do I get dressed? Do I get myself some food? How do I leave the room if someone else is awake? Do I need to make sure my skin doesn’t look too gross before I leave the room? I need to go to the bathroom… What should I do first? They are all important, I have to do them all and I only have a couple of minutes available to do them in. I had homework – did I do my homework? Is my mother okay? I should check on her. Do I have clean clothes to wear? Which lectures do I have today? Help. Help.

And then… Nothing. Staring up at the ceiling, my mind would just… pause. I’d be frozen. Still. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. Paralyzed by my own pathetic mind. It seems ridiculous, reading it back now. I couldn’t decide whether to pee or eat breakfast, so I froze up? I decided laying in bed would be best?

If you’ve never experienced it, it would be very, very difficult to understand. But that was my reality. My mind had physically disabled me many times – to the extent that I’d just lie awake, in the exact same position, by myself, needing to use the bathroom, thirsty, hungry, for hours and hours.

I had missed so many lectures and practicals, yet I was afraid to face studying at all. It terrified me. The fear that I wouldn’t understand any of the work at all, that I would be so many miles behind my classmates, that I’d realise that catching up would be literally impossible, that I’d realise how I had caused myself to fail that year of my degree.

I remember on one occasion I actually plucked up the courage to book myself a doctor’s appointment at the mental health clinic on campus. I remember trying to pinpoint what was actually wrong with me. At the time, it felt like I was struggling with just about everything. General anxiety, social anxiety, ADD, depression, panic disorder, PTSD, missing home, that my work was too difficult, money problems, worried about family members of mine who were struggling too… I almost walked up to the door of the clinic, when I saw a woman through the window. I panicked and made a U-turn, back to my room.

It damaged my relationship with my partner, too. I felt that I needed his company, always. When he wasn’t visiting, I felt that he simply hated me. That he didn’t care about how I was struggling. That he’d rather pretend I didn’t exist and just focus on progressing in the other areas of his life. Thoughts like that consumed me. He was the only person I could trust, so I’d obsessively wait at my laptop for him to come online, for hours. He was not at fault – mental illnesses warp the victim’s perspective. I didn’t see how he was doing everything he could do to help me.

This is just what General Anxiety Disorder looks like to me. It is different for everybody. It is a continuous up and down struggle in my life. The past year has been far better, one of my better years in terms of anxiety, and for that I am extremely grateful. For others, this will be one of their worst years in terms of anxiety.

I’m 23 and have still never had a conventional job – something that just feels more and more difficult the longer I leave it. I have spent the last 3 years studying 3 different level 3 courses for the same subject (haha…,) and this is my fourth year doing the same.

My anxiety now is mostly social anxiety and paranoia when in the home, that I get overwhelmed after being out of the house for a long time, an intense feeling of loneliness when I’m physically by myself, being constantly on edge and continuously worrying about the possibility of things in my life going wrong.

Checking my bag for my wallet, ID, train tickets, keys and phone 10 or more times in one outing. Fearing that something terrible has happened to my mother if she doesn’t respond to me on messenger within a day. Being afraid my partner will come home expressing that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Disallowing myself to have hobbies like reading or playing computer games out of fear that I’ll become too absorbed and end up forgetting to do something very important. Becoming on edge when I hear even the quietest sound, such as somebody tapping their fingers gently on a surface…

 This is my normal. My life. My anxiety.

I’ve compared anxiety to depression in the past, having experienced both. Sometimes I feel anxiety is easier – at least I have the desire and passion to achieve things in my life. Sometimes I feel it is worse. That passion and desire is useless when I can’t actually utilize it – when I’m too anxious to take any action at all. Constantly feeling like a failure to achieving your own dreams is difficult.

If you are suffering from anxiety, then do what you need to do for yourself to heal. I had to leave Uni so that I could have a year out of conventional education to heal. The people that care about me thought I was crazy at first, and that was with them being aware of my mental health state. This made it a very difficult decision to make, but it was the best decision I could have made for myself at the time. Thanks to that decision I am doing much better now. If you are suffering from anxiety, be mindful of the people who care about you. It is easy to underestimate the difficulty experienced by the people caring for someone with a disability.

If you know someone with anxiety, be understanding. Listen to what they say, and I mean REALLY listen. If they are telling you they really cannot go into work today, do not tell them that they must. Help ease their anxiety about the fact. Contact their work on their behalf. Help make them feel that it is okay for them to take the time they need to heal. Never be disappointed by their failures – trust me. They’re already feeling those failures a hundred times to the extent that you do. Support them and take what they say seriously. It might require a lot of energy to take care of someone with a mental health issue, but the more energy you put into helping, the faster they will get better, and the sooner you both can live happier lives. 

– Storm

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Lush Sakura Bath Bomb Review.

Hey guys! I hope you enjoy this review!


Sakura Bath Bomb Review:

Rating: 4/5*

Cons:

This bath bomb doesn’t make a show at all in your bath. If you are looking for something that will leave your bath looking colourful, or different in any significant way, this one isn’t really for you. It is very plain!

This bath bomb is not moisturising very much at all. In fact, this bath bomb didn’t really do much for my skin whatsoever.

Because the bath bomb doesn’t do much, after you’ve finished with your bath, the water will probably be a murkey greyish colour from all the suds that result bathing. This could be much more pleasant if the bath bomb had some colour to it!


Pros:

Guys… the smell of this bath bomb is flipping incredible… The smell lingers, mainly in hair. I rinsed my hair in the bath after washing it, and oh my… My hair today still smells like fresh clean laundry, floral and like mimosa. This is after having used the bath bomb a full day ago. IT SMELLS SO GOOD!!! If you want a bath bomb that is going to linger in your hair and make you smell divine for absolutely ages, this is the ONE! The smell is completely inoffensive and is the sort of smell that everyone and anyone would like, because it just smells clean and fresh really.

The smell the bath bomb produces in the bath is much more floral than how it initially smells and than how it smells when it lingers in your hair. It smells so good!

The concept is lovely – a simple, delicate, feminine, fresh and pretty bath bomb 🙂

Visually, the bath bomb looks lovely. It is white with blue and pink speckles, and has some large blue-green coloured salt on the top of it.

This is a vegan product from Lush!

I literally can’t stop smelling my hair guys…

This was a gift from my mother for my birthday, and it really is a lovely bath bomb. I’m so glad to have been able to try it.

Although you can’t feel much of an effect from the bath bomb, it is definitely somewhat moisturising because you can see the bath bomb’s ingredients floating on top of the bath water when it is done fizzing, and the water does definitely feel more silky and moisturising than usual bath water. My skin also felt slightly moisturised after I had finished my bath.

The bath water was a really pretty blue colour before I got in. I’m not sure if this was anything to do with the bath bomb, because the colour seemed to disappear once I was in the bath, so I think it was more of a trick of the eye. Either way, it was pretty!


Overall conclusion:

Overall, I loved this bath bomb. Sure, it wasn’t that exciting, and it really didn’t do all that much for my skin. The smell is to die for though, and the bath bomb itself was really pretty. The entire concept of this bath bomb is really nice.

I rate this bath bomb a 4/5*, although it is really close to a 5* rating! This bath bomb is absolutely ideal to use when you just want to smell incredibly fresh all day.

– Storm

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Lush Dragon’s Egg Bath Bomb Review.

Hey guys! Today is another bath bomb review, as my partner blessed me with 4 new awesome Lush bath products to try out on my birthday!

I hope you enjoy!


Dragon’s Egg Bath Bomb

Rating: 4/5*

Cons:

This is an extremely slow fizzer. If you are the type of person who likes to watch fully what the bath bomb does before getting into the bath, this one will leave you waiting for a LONG time!

This bath bomb wasn’t super fancy with its display. It was interesting, but worth waiting 10 odd minutes to see..? Not so sure!

The bath looks prettier whilst the bath bomb is fizzing than the actual finished product. The patterns sort of die down a bit in waiting process for the last bit of bath bomb to finish fizzing.

The bath water wasn’t left an amazing colour. Just a sort of orangey colour.

The scent didn’t cling to my skin or hair at all after using this bath bomb.


Pros:

The name, the concept. This bath bomb is bloody awesome. It really does look like how you’d imagine a dragon’s egg to look – it is white and speckly and is orange on the inside. Trying out this bath bomb is such a fun experience!

The smell is so nice. It smells like spicy yet sweet orange. Imagine the spiced apple scent that is popular around this time of year, only for orange instead of apple. It smells SO good.

The patterns that the bath bomb make sort of looks like the inside of one of those chocolate creme eggs you get around Easter time. It looks really cool!

I got this as a gift and it was really lovely to receive.

This bath bomb was quite moisturising – not as much as Butterbear, but still quite moisturising!

The bath water was left filled with clouds of gold lustre. It looked super gorgeous and magical.

This is from Lush!!! And is vegan!!!


Overall conclusion:

Overall, I like the idea for this bath bomb a lot, and the scent is lovely. I quite liked the pattern the bath bomb left in the water and I loved the glitter. It did take SO LONG to finish fizzing though!

This was a nice bath bomb, and one I’m glad to have experienced. It did take too long to fizz away for my taste though, and wasn’t all that fancy.

I’m going to rate this bath bomb a 4/5* rating. Definitely one that is worth a try!

– Storm

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Birthday Goals!

THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG POST. 

Just had to get that out the way. If you don’t like reading, well… you shouldn’t be on a blogging site in the first place to be honest! If you aren’t in the mood for reading then that’s cool, but this post isn’t for you at this moment of time 😉

My posts are already always really long because well, I write them mostly for myself, and I enjoy typing I guess! This one is going to be EXTRA long though – you’ve been warned!!!

Okay, so on my 22nd Birthday I began setting myself goals of anything and everything (pretty much) that I wanted to achieve during the following year. I was pretty upset about getting older, so giving myself some goals, and seeing what things I wanted to save for later in my life at the same time, made me feel younger, motivated and excited for the following year as well as… I don’t know… comfortable with my age I suppose. I am not at terms with my aging process.

Getting older means I get to achieve new things and experience exciting things in my life for a year longer. Getting older means my life gets to move forward and grow, so really, getting older makes me happy now if anything! I definitely have a new appreciation for my aging process – not that I’d wish to be any older, but I wouldn’t wish to be any younger either. I’m happy just the way things are going 🙂

Anyways, so I was pretty rough on myself and set myself I think 29 goals! Bloody hell Storm, was you trying to kill yourself?!

These goals have been, for the most part, what I’ve been at least TRYING to base my actions on for the past year 🙂

I will write what they were here, and we can see how I did at them 😉


  1. Get your first tattoo.
  2. Get yourself 2 additional piercings to your septum piercing.
  3. Cut off all of that nasty dyed hair.
  4. Start experimenting with temporary hair dyes.
  5. Start curling your hair regularly.
  6. Have one of each type of Lush product.
  7. Get a goddamn job!
  8. Make a budget/money plan.
  9. Start saving up money.
  10. Lose enough weight so that I’m at the healthiest, safest weight for my height.
  11. Start exercising a healthy amount regularly.
  12. Be more strict and mindful of what I’m eating.
  13. Find a new dentist.
  14. Begin tidying up regularly.
  15. Use Lush regularly and for everything that I can.
  16. Drink a healthy amount of water regularly.
  17. Stay with Richard another year!
  18. Make some new friends.
  19. Buy a plant and actually take care of it and keep it alive.
  20. Give (and hopefully receive) pre-engagement ring.
  21. Learn all Mathematics and Physics A level material!
  22. Take all my exams.
  23. Complete application to Uni.
  24. Teach myself academic subjects that I’m not being taught, in my free time.
  25. Register and begin studying on the 1st year of my degree.
  26. Travel to 2 new places with my partner.
  27. Move out into appropriate housing for Uni.
  28. Begin learning an instrument.
  29. Start spending time on some hobbies!

Okay guys, I know that it’s a lot – TRUST me. I’m the one that tried to achieve all them things!!!

I will try and get through how each of these goals went briefly, but this could take a while..! Any in red are ones I did not achieve by my 23rd birthday and green ones are ones I did 🙂


  1. I never got my first tattoo. I would have done if I had the funds to do so, but I didn’t. I also want my first tattoo to be to do with my partner, so it needs a lot of thought to put into it! I think I’m going to get this tattoo VERY soon though, as a birthday gift to myself using my savings 🙂
  2. Okay, so the piercings goal. I had pierced my septum myself earlier that year, and was so chuffed with it that I just really wanted to get some more holes in my body. I planned later in the year to get myself a forward helix piercing and a navel piercing. I bought all the piercing equipment for them and gave it a shot. I successfully made a hole in my ear, but the positioning was off, so I had to take it out. It was pretty though! I also attempted to pierce my navel on 2 separate occasions – both times I fainted! It wasn’t super painful, I’m not even sure why I fainted. After the same thing happened with the second attempt I knew it wasn’t a fluke, and know that this is one I can only get if I go to a professional. I still want these piercings and hopefully will get them sometime soon – first I want to re-pierce my septum straight though 😉
  3. Cut off all that nasty dyed hair? I’m amazed at this one, but I actually did it. It’s all gone! I have virgin hair for the first time in over 10 years! Hurrah! I’m so proud of myself and it feels even healthier than I could have imagined. I’ve been out of conditioner since… god knows how long… It has been around 6 months I think, and my hair is still always really soft and lovely!
  4. Okay, I bought some super temporary hair dye. It’s actually chalk spray for your hair. I’ve haven’t used it yet, but I’ll try to remember to for an event or something. It’s a light purple colour and I think it will look really nice sprayed on space buns 🙂
  5. I curled my hair once using hair rollers, and that’s about it. Using bendy hair rollers is the only way I seem able to achieve the type of curl that I like, but it is a very time consuming process and time is one thing I often don’t have. I think once it becomes routine, it will come much easier to me 🙂
  6. Haha, a Lush goal… gosh. That’s when you know someone has gone Lush-mad, when even their goals are based on Lush! I do not own one of each type of Lush product unfortunately – I mostly haven’t delved into the hair care products. Again, I’ve been pretty strapped for cash, but it is still a wish of mine to review every vegan Lush product… One day Storm, one day… !
  7. A job? I STILL HAVE NEVER HAD A CONVENTIONAL JOB IN MY LIFE! That is to say that I have worked freelance jobs, but never had a sort of normal paying job. I try, I guess not hard enough. Being a student is a busy life, trust me. I still obviously intend to get myself a job ASAP though!
  8. A budget/ money plan is one thing I do have in place. It has only been in place since I began receiving my student loan, but it is entirely necessary. If I don’t follow a strict budget plan there is no way I could afford to live! My partner made it for me on a spreadsheet using lots of little formulas, so whenever my income changes, so does the ratio of rent I pay, the amount I’m putting toward savings, my spending money etc. It’s really handy but very difficult to follow! I need a job guys!
  9. Yep, along with the budget plan comes saving up money, something which I am currently attempting to do! I’m not sure I’m doing GREAT at it because my income is crap, but I definitely am saving!

  10. Losing weight. Okay, this is one I have attempted MANY times throughout the past year. It was one of the most important goals to me and no matter how hard I tried, I still failed. At the present, I don’t own any scales, and I find it difficult to lose weight when I don’t know what my weight is. It is something I’m going to continue working on for sure though 🙂

  11. Exercising is another one I’ve not succeeded at, but is still something I’d really like to sort out.

  12. Be more strict and mindful of what I’m eating? Hmm, well… I have definitely tried. I am not doing perfectly – I still drink fizzy drinks on occasion and crisps, and my partner really enjoys packaged food so I still have quite a bit of that. I do think I am doing a lot better than I was though, and I definitely have been trying to make an effort. I’m going to say I failed this one too, because I wanted to have banned unhealthy foods really, but I definitely still eat it on a weekly basis.

  13. Find a new dentist – okay so I moved recently and have found what seems to be the best dentist in the area. I’m going to sign up ASAP 🙂 I’m going to say I failed this one too because although I found the dentist, I haven’t registered yet… I know, I’m pretty tough on myself, I’m a perfectionist!

  14. Tidying up regularly? Nope!

  15. Use Lush regularly for everything I can? There are still a lot of different sorts of products I haven’t even tried yet, like hair and hand masks for example, so I didn’t really succeed at this. I do, however, use the Lush products that I do own for everything I can. For example, I own a Lush cleanser and it is the only cleanser I use. I only use Lush shower gels and shampoo etc. So… I’m going to say this is a success? I don’t have any good routines to using my products, but they are the only ones I use so…!

  16. I had been drinking a brilliant amount of water up until recently. I think as it gets colder my body begins to reject plain cold water. It just makes me so cold! I’ll give it another go though…

  17. Stay with my partner? That I have pretty much done. I am still with him today, so that’s all good 🙂

  18. Make some new friends. Okay well um… I don’t know whether I have or have not honestly. I have met people on my course who I get on with, and they are definitely people that I like, but how close are we really? Would they all come to a party I arrange if I invited them? I live sort of far from the uni, so I don’t think any of them would bother to be honest! I probably wouldn’t either to be fair, so… I don’t know… I definitely have new people I like in my life but I’m not sure that they are really at the true friends level yet. So I’m going to say this is a fail! Let’s hope that changes soon though 🙂

  19. Take care of a plant. Okay, so a bought a gorgeous Kalanchoe geranium plant last November, and I love it to bits. It is still alive although I probably do not tend to it as much as I should. I’m going to say this  was a success, which is fantastic! I’ve always been rubbish at being responsible for another life – plants always die on me and I have never felt like I was as good of a pet owner as I wanted to be, so taking care of a plant is a great first step 🙂

  20. Pre-engagement rings.For those of you who have not heard of them before, they are rings that you give to your partner that resemble the intent and promise to engage them at some point in the future. Some people think these are for kids or that they are pointless, but it depends on your perspective. From the perspective of wanting to be very serious and mature about the relationship, pre-engagement rings feel like a good stepping stone to getting engaged. It is never good to rush into a relationship, and is much wiser to take time to allow it to progress steadily and sturdily. Me and my partner are young and still learning, we want to make sure we are good enough versions of ourselves for our eachother before making massive promises. We are taking it slow and enjoying every stage of the relationship – there’s no rush and taking it slow leaves so much more to be excited for in the future! I gave my partner one for our anniversary earlier this year, and he gave me one on my birthday! A success, yay!

  21. Okay so I failed at this one for sure. I didn’t finish the material for either Physics or Mathematics A level – hence why I am now on an extended degree!

  22. Nope, didn’t take all my exams. I couldn’t book my Physics ones because the practicals were too expensive, and I only took 2/6 of the Mathematics exams because they were just causing me far too much stress because of having not learnt the material enough! I did study a lot – I was self teaching myself 2 full AS levels and A levels in Mathematics and Phsyics in approximately 7 months. Not an easy task!

  23. I completely my application to Uni. Yay!

  24. Self teach myself academics in my free time. I haven’t been doing this unfortunately!

  25. I have indeed registered at my university and have begun my degree course. Hurrah!

  26. Me and my partner, since Rome, traveled to Paris in France, Glasgow in Scotland and Kas in Turkey. So definitely a success and such an exciting one – I must blog about these travels!

  27. We also both moved into our new home together, and have been living here for exactly one full month since. It is incredible to have a home together and to have the freedom to be in charge of decorating, what food is in the cupboard etc. It’s absolutely amazing and achieving this seemed so unlikely at the time, but it has really happened and I am so grateful for it. I am so much happier because of this move, and although it is far distance-wise from my university, travelling there takes approximately 47 minutes. Those minutes include a 17 minute walk to the train station, an 18 minute train ride and a 12 minute walk from the station to the college. The train is very fast so most of the journey is actually just walking to and from the station, which is fine!

  28. I failed at beginning to learn an instrument – too little money to buy one!

  29. I haven’t really begun spending time on hobbies, which sucks. I do things I enjoy, like writing in this blog of mine. I haven’t consciously set time aside for creative hobbies though, like reading or painting or joining a dance class. Soon though!


    I make that a total of 11/29 goals achieved during the past year. Maybe that isn’t great, but it is something! It’s amazing looking back and seeing how much progress you have made. I much prefer birthday goals than new years resolutions. To me, new years resolutions don’t even make sense. Goals shouldn’t be based on some random date. Goals are personal and in my opinion, should be based on the individual’s personal growth – making birthdays the perfect date!

    I’ve enjoyed having goals. It has been stressful as hell, I definitely set myself too many. I’m going to do the same this year and set myself some goals. I didn’t set any on my actual birthday, so I’m at a few days disadvantage this year 😉 I’m definitely going to go easier on myself, and male sure I hack out some of those goals I didn’t achieve this year!


    I’d recommend setting goals for oneself fully. It has overall been an extremely positive experience, and I don’t think I could have another birthday without setting some new goals for myself now!

    Now I’m off to set myself some new goals to achieve over the following year.

    Seeya! – Storm x

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Lush Butterbear Bath Bomb Review

Hey guys!

Today is an extremely exciting review – I have lost my Lush bath bomb virginity (thanks to my amazing partner!) to the adorable Butterbear! I hope you enjoy this review 🙂 Sorry that the photos aren’t the best quality!


Butterbear Bath Bomb:

Rating: 5/5*

Cons:

SOME people might find that this bath bomb leaves their skin with a sort of greasy film on it, and they might not like that. If you don’t like feeling moisturised then well, Butterbear is definitely not the one for you!

The smell of Butterbear is very slightly artificial in scent – it has a sort of strong, perfumey tang to it. If you don’t like quite strong scents, this is not the one for you either!

Butterbear doesn’t really alter the colour of the bath water or create much of a show. If you want something super colourful and crazy, Butterbear will disappoint.


Pros:

Okay, so writing ANY cons for Butterbear was actually very difficult for me to do – I loved my little Butterbear! The first reason I think everyone should go out and buy themselves a Butterbear of their own is because he is just absolutely adorable! Like, the cutest Lush product I have ever used (by far!) Just the way this bath bomb looks is sure to put a smile on your face. So cute!

The smell is a very strong cocoa butter and vanilla scent. It smells slightly sickly but it is just so lovely. It also has this slighly perfumed aroma to it. I think he smells absolutely divine to be honest. Good enough to eat! Definitely one for those with a sweet tooth 😉

I received this as a gift, and it was the sweetest present! Even just grabbing one of these to cheer a friend up is a brilliant idea. These make fantastic gifts – trust me!

Butterbear is so moisturising – I felt incredibly soft after my long bath.

Butterbear softened the dead skin on my body, making it really easy to scrub off. I shower regularly and was surprised to see how much cleaner I was able to get just sponging my body over after soaking in a bath with Butterbear. If you really like to feel really clean, Butterbear is a must!

The bath was so nourishing that as well as my body, my hair and face also felt really moisturised after leaving the bath!

Once Butterbear has completely fizzed away, large droplets of melted butters were left behind on the surface of the bath water. It is nice to be able to see visually just how moisturising and luxurious your bath is!

Butterbear is vegan, all natural, handmade, is from the fantastic company Lush and is cruelty free.

I found Butterbear just so exciting to use, I really recommend giving him a go!


Overall Conclusion:

Overall, I LOVE BUTTERBEAR SO MUCH!!! I just want one in my Lush supplies at all times – he is so bloody cute!!! I love him!!!

So, I rate Butterbear a 5/5* rating, of course. Butterbear is simple and isn’t a miracle product from Lush, but for what a bath bomb is meant to do, Butterbear is brilliant. It’s the only bath bomb I’ve tried from Lush and is a real classic, I think this one will remain in my favouites for a long time!

GRAB YOURSELF AND YOUR FRIENDS A BUTTERBEAR – YOU WON’T REGRET IT! 😀

– Storm x

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Life and Blog Update!

Hey guys! 🙂

So, recently I feel like my blog has been really disorganised and I just want to make a little blog update post to clear everything up. This is just going to be a super general post! I will write about my upcoming birthday, my travels over the past year or so, how my education is going, how I’ve been thinking about updating my appearance and last but not least, I will be writing briefly about Lush.


23rd Birthday

The first things I want to post about are to do with my birthday. It is in fact my 23rd birthday this Monday (17th.)

This means a few things – on my 22nd birthday, I gave myself some goals that I wanted to achieve before my 23rd birthday. On my birthday I will try to blog about how I did with these different goals (I was pretty tough on myself, I think there were something like 30 goals…,) as well as possibly write up what my new goals will be to achieve before my 24th birthday! Having goals can be stressful sometimes, but I think it is really important overall for a person’s happiness.

When I turned 22, I actually cried because I felt so upset about the age I had just lost. Making myself goals made me realise that I can have a really exciting year and that I still have so much to look forward to in my life – which made me feel more young and at peace with my age. I am now happy to be 22, and will be happy to be 23 too – so long as I give myself some goals to achieve!

I haven’t looked at my list of goals for a while but I do know for a fact that I have not achieved most of them – although I have achieved some of the pretty important ones in my opinion. I’m going to do my best to squeeze in a couple more achievements before Monday though! Some I might achieve just after my birthday – for example, one of my goals was to brave it and get my first tattoo, which I’ve been thinking I could organise as a birthday present to myself sometime next week! 



Travels

The second things I’d like to talk about in this post are about my travels. I have failed to post about them, although I still do intend to do so soon!

I went to Italy last year in August – it was such an incredible experience! It was my very first travelly adventure with my partner and was my first trip abroad independent from my family. I have so many beautiful photographs and memories from that holiday so look forward to a post detailing it soon!

My partner also took me to Paris for Valentines day this year – again, another overall beautiful holiday that i’ll be sure to post about. We also went to visit my family in Glasgow in July of this year, and at the start of September I went on holiday with my partner’s family to Turkey!

So many adventures that I so badly want to share with you guys! There is just so much to say for every one of these travels and so many photographs to choose from, which is why I haven’t blogged about them yet – but I will!



Education

The third things I’d like to talk about surround my educational pursuits. When I first began this blog, it was definitely more orientated toward my studies, and over the past year has changed direction toward…well… Lush… Quite frankly, I have always thought of my blog as somewhere for me to write about whatever I want to write about – I made it for myself primarily, so I guess my blog posting activity just reflects where I am in my life at the time!

Anyways, so my education. Yes, I am still aiming to be an Astronomer and yes, I am still fascinated with Astrobiology. I am currently on a degree… of sorts… Well, I am on an “Initial Year”, which will lead me onto a degree in Astrophysics should I do well enough.

I applied through UCAS and am an official student of both the college I attend for the initial year and of the University that I will attend after the year is completed. The course I applied to on UCAS is stated as a 4 year degree, so technically I’m on a degree…? Or I’m on a course that includes a degree… I don’t know but either way, I’m on the course I need to be on 🙂

The university is definitely one of the ones that are actually worth applying to if you want to study Physics & Astronomy in the UK. When comparing entry requirements and the ranking of different universities, some are actually statistically more difficult to get into, yet overall are a worse university compared to others that are easier to get into. Why waste effort to get into a bad university, when that effort could be better spent to get into a good university? I don’t know, that’s just my opinion!

The University I attend isn’t the best but I feel it is definitely a good starting point. As long as I work hard and get the most out of the course as I can, I should be able to take my Masters somewhere a bit better. Everyday I make sure to get as much as I possibly can out of my course, and I’m really enjoying it so far! 



Appearances

The fourth updatey things I’d like to talk about are about appearances I guess.

I love septum rings, because I think they just make you look super adorable! They just look sooo cute! I mean, I think I look fine without one, but they add to the cuteness :3 I pierced my own septum around 18 months ago or so, but I pierced it kinda crooked so I’ll be redoing it soon!

If you are considering getting it done, I’d 100% recommend it. If you decide you don’t like it, the holes are inside your nose so you won’t see the scars, or you can just wear a horseshoe jewelry piece and flip it up inside your nose so that no one can see it! I think they look really cute though and that the piercing looks good with other piercings too. Considering piercings take between 4 weeks and 12 months to heal, the septum piercing is one of the fastest healers too (2 months!)

I’ve also wanted my navel pierced for the longest time. It’s a nice discrete piercing that looks both lovely by itself and with other piercings. I think they look super sexy and again, I think my tummy looks great without a navel piercing and I don’t need one to think my tummy is sexy, but the navel piercing does help! 

I quit dying my hair around 2 and a half years ago. Since then, I have been slowly cutting out any remaining dyed hair and finally, earlier this year I had no dyed hair left! Now I’m just enjoying growing my natural and healthy hair. I had been dying my hair since I was around 12 years old, and had never had a full head of natural hair since then and all the way up until earlier this year. That’s around 10 1/2 years of dyed hair! I thought I’d absolutely hate my natural hair colour but I actually really like it! 

As for the first tattoo I’d like to get, I think I’d like a tattoo that is on my side… It’s a nice and discrete location. I think I’d like it to be a tattoo that my partner designs – maybe a phrase he says to me but in his own handwriting, possibly a hand drawn image too.

A lot of people say you shouldn’t get tattoos that are to do with your partner, because you might split up and then want the tattoo removed. The thing is, even if we did split up, he has still been such a important part of my life and has brought me so much happiness. I share so many memories with him and no matter the circumstances, it remains true that right now he makes me happy.

I think I would never want a tattoo removed that symbolizes me being happy at this time of my life. I don’t need the tattoo, I feel secure enough without it, but I do think it will help make me feel more comforted and happy when he isn’t around. 



Lush

The fifth thing I want to talk about is Lush. 

Yes, the number of Lush posts I have been writing is slowing down. I haven’t purchased any new items since probably around 6 months ago. This is really sad, but it is because I have been on a tight budget for a while now, so buying Lush just isn’t as easy as it was before.

I still have plenty of products left to review in my home but I’m not using them as much. That’s because I’m busy but also I think because I know that once they’re gone, I might not be able to replace them. I’m still obsessed with Lush, I expect my next reviews to probably be on Yog Nog Soap, Jumping Juniper Shampoo Bar and I guess Rose Jam Shower Gel, just because those are the 3 items I am using the most at the moment.

I also still need to take photos for my reviews but again, I haven’t been to a Lush store recently. I’ll make sure I take some photos when I do next go!

Thank you for reading, see you soon!

– Storm

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Lush Sea Monster Fun Review.

Hey guys!

Today is an interesting review. This is the first bath product I have used from Lush, and it was one of the prizes I won from Emily Snow’s competition that she held on her YouTube channel: Emily Snow’s YouTube Channel.

I hardly ever win anything, so it was a really pleasant surprise – she even literally came to my doorstep to deliver my prizes to me! I honestly would really recommend checking our her channel – she is a lovely girl and makes plenty of enjoyable videos to watch. Emily asked me to write a post on the competition that she held – which I terribly still have not gotten around to doing. Sorry!

Regardless, this is a review of the ‘Sea Monster Fun’ that I received from her, I hope you enjoy!

 


Sea Monster Fun

Rating: 4/5*

Cons:

This is the first fun bar I have used, so I’m not sure if this is the case with all of them. My fun bar sort of turned to a liquidy, gooey mess toward the end of its days. Although you could find something else to store your ‘Fun’ in, it only comes in some plastic wrapping. Of course, I used this whilst in the shower, so my hands would be wet when I’d grab a piece off of the main bar. Over time, I guess this caused the bar to become super liquidy! I would leave the bar in the plastic on the side of my bath, and because it became so liquidy, it would drip down both the outside and inside of my bath. It can get quite messy!

After using this bar on my hair, my hair would honestly feel really tangled up. If you do get this bar, I’d honestly probably recommend that you don’t use it to wash your  hair, unless you don’t mind knotty hair.

Again, the packaging is pretty rubbish to be honest. A black pot would be a much better way to package this Fun bar! The packaging that it comes in just isn’t secure at all, and definitely won’t hold the bar should it become more liquidy.

I’d sometimes find that I’d need to use quite a bit of the bar to make my bath bubbly / to wash my hair / to wash my body. If you get it, expect to have to use a fair chunk of your bar to achieve these tasks!

Before I had really used the product, I separated each of the coloured pieces and molded them in my hands, to make them more soft. After doing so, I recall my hands were slightly stained and that the colour was quite difficult to remove from my skin. I haven’t had the same problem since – it was just from molding the product in my hands for quite a bit of time. Regardless, if that doesn’t sound pleasant to you, then maybe this Fun isn’t for you!

When I molded the bar in my hands for the first time, it was actually quite tough. I didn’t try to make any little models or anything with the Fun, but I imagine it would have been quite difficult to do so. My hands were achy after I finally successfully molded the 3 separate pieces of Fun in my hands until they became soft.

This is quite a floral, citrussy scent. I enjoy this sort of scent, but some people may not – so if you don’t, this Fun isn’t for you!

The colours of this fun bar aren’t super girly. The colours are yellow, green and blue.  Again, I like these colours, but some people might not! The bathwater when using this Fun bar will be either a green-turquise colour, a light green-blue colour or a greeny-yellow colour. Some people might not enjoy their bath water being these greeny colours!

It can be quite difficult to get this Fun to lather up sometimes. It would take me a while to lather it up on my sponge, and I’d need quite a bit of product to clean my entire body properly. Washing my hair was more of the same issues. Using the bar as a bubble bar was the least difficult, but even then I’d sometimes need to use quite a bit of the bar for it to work how I’d want it to. Working out how much product you need through trial and error can be quite time consuming.

Again, using this product would take a while – it definitely would not be what I’d reach for when I’m in a hurry, like for my morning showers before college.

The scent of his product, although beautiful, faded toward the end of the Fun bar.

This is basically play-dough, which might not be that appealing as a bathroom product for some people!


Pros:

This product, however difficult it can be to use, is really quite amazing. It has multiple functions, which is something I can’t say for most of the other Lush products I have used so far (at least not to the extent of this bar.) I brought it on holiday with me to Turkey a short time ago, and it was endlessly useful. A Lush shampoo and body wash in one, in a solid format? Yes please! It is absolutely ideal to travel with, and it having multiple purposes means that you can literally wash head to toe using this one product – or you could use it as a bubble bar and then soak in your bubbly bath water to give your hair and body a light wash! It is definitely super handy to have one of these in your bathroom!

The smell is so lovely! It is extremely refreshing – a seaweed, lemon, lime, lavender and gardenia scent. It smells exactly how you’d imagine it to – like all the best parts of the ocean and Summer. I would highly recommend this product simply for it’s incredible scent – it’s absolutely gorgeous and went perfectly with my holiday. It is a really clean, light, fresh scent – I love it!

The colours of this bar, in my opinion, are incredible. It is insane that this product is made from such natural ingredients, because the colouration is just so intensely pigmented. It really looks beautiful.

The baths that this bar produces when used as a bubble bar are just absolutely gorgeous. I never picked and chose what colours I wanted to use for my bath, I’d just randomly pluck a piece off and wait to see how my bath turned out. One time, my bath was a super bright lime green colour – I remember thinking how perfect it would be closer to Halloween! One time, my bath was a gorgeous turquise colour, and reminded me of the perfectly turquise sea water when I was in Turkey. Other times, my bath would be a tranquil pale green-blue colour. I loved the colour of my baths, and would highly recommend using this Fun bar for that purpose.

As a bubble bar, this Fun bar produces absolutely incredible bubbles. Simply running some under the tap, I could fill the surface of my bath with cute bubbles. Turning on the jets, my bath would be absolutely piled with bubbles – often times I wouldn’t even need to use THAT much product to create such an intensely bubble bath! The bubbles also looked so lovely and colourful.

The bubbles would last absolutely ages in my bath – up to a couple of hours in total!

This did work effectively as a shampoo – my hair would always feel really clean after using this bar for my hair.

This bar also works effectively to wash the body with.

One time that I used this bar for my hair, the day I washed it my hair didn’t feel too great, but when I combed my hair through the day after, it felt absolutely incredible. It felt the smoothest it has felt in such a long time – so if you do wash your hair with this, I’d definitely recommend not washing your hair for a couple days after so that you can really notice to full effects of this bar being used as a shampoo.

I absolutely loved receiving this as a gift, and would recommend it to be given as a gift to others for sure. It is, well, fun!

When I’d take a bath using ‘Sea Monster Fun’ as a bubble bar, the bath water would feel super moisturising an would leave my skin feeling silky smooth.

Although I listed this factor as a con, once the bar turned more liquidy, I found that it lathered up so much easier. I would need far less to create ample bubbles, to lather up my hair and to wash my body with. So even the downsides of this bar has upsides!

The name of this bar is so fun!

This is, obviously, a product from Lush – 10p from every bar goes toward a fund to help children’s projects in areas affected by the 2011 tsunami and nuclear disaster in Japan. It being from Lush also means it is environmentally friendly, cruelty free, handmade, made from natural ingredients and this particular bar is also 100% vegan. For these reasons alone, I think this bar is worth a go.

This product was definitely fun to use! Probably the funnest product I have used from Lush yet – which is definitely saying something! Using this made me very happy 🙂


Overall Conclusion:

I really liked this bar. It has it’s faults – it definitely isn’t the easiest product to use, but it gets easier to use the more you use it. I think having one of these bars in the bathroom is a absolute must-have – it is just so insanely handy! This particular Fun bar also has gorgeous colouration and a beautiful scent.

Overall, I rate this product a 4/5* rating. It was very difficult to decide between 4 or 5 stars, but how knotty it would make my hair is what made me decide 4 rather than 5 stars for this particular product. I would highly recommend it. I would recommend primarily using it as a bubble bath product – but it also works quite well to wash the body with. It does wash the hair well, but it causes some problems in that area. I think this is a great product to use over the weekend, when you have more time to use it.

Until next time!

Thanks again Emily for this lovely prize – it was an absolute pleasure using it!

– Storm